Just found out while talking to my S25 that H has moved and changed jobs again, 3rd time moving in 2 years. Actually moved to the same apartments we lived in when S25 was born. Oh well, all I can say is God bless him. I truelly feel sorry for him. It hurts my heart that he is so miserable and doesnt know it or really why and has in the passed refused help. God, I pray he wakes up soon. Do they actually go backward through different phases of their lives? Is that what happens during replay?
In the meantime I have been GALing. Had some really bad varicose veins, cartarized and removed. OUCH!!!!!! I checked into going back to school part time and I'm seriously considering it. That's a big step and I'm anxious abt it. Just need to take the first step and I'll be fine.
I guess that's all for now just wanted to write my thoughts so I don't text them, If you know what I mean.
Yes, they return to a time where they were emotionally stunted. Sounds like your h has moved back to where he lived a long time ago. Don't be surprised if he changes jobs a few more times and moves again. He is really trying to find himself and figure out what he thinks he missed along the way.
He will continue to hit the brick wall until he crashes and then...he will begin to actually sit down and figure things out and better understand that whatever stunted him emotionally many, many years ago was not his fault. Keep praying for him.
I think it is a wonderful idea to go back to school. Do you know what you want to major in?
Continue to post here. It is far better than texting.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Like job said, they do relive from “when” they were emotionally stunted. It is akin to time travel. They feel like back then. Have memories and desires of back then. The present day responsibilities and such are both run from and not really felt; as in a teenage H wasn’t married or had kids back then.
My XW is (re)living her teenage years. Over and over. She knows the kids, yet doesn’t. Her feelings are mostly vacant and pushed down/buried. She recalls details of that time with uncanny clarity and boggling belief that it is present day. An example, she asked the kids about DnJ’s (my name, not Dad, not referenced as XH) blue LTD with the zebra stripped seat covers. That was a 1977 LTD. My first car. Her and I drove around in it lots while dating. That was almost 40 years ago. Imagine the confusion.
Depression and confusion are major hallmarks of a crisis. The overlaying of past and present lives and details. It’s an emotionally driven hot mess, a hodgepodge. And they cannot handle it!
Like you’ve seen. The MLCer refuses help. Most will and do refute such help or diagnosis. As much as something is very wrong, they run and refuse to acknowledge or believe it. Ah, running. As far as they run, there they are. A simple truth, which they too, run from.
Originally Posted by Whatlee
Actually moved to the same apartments we lived in when S25 was born.
They do recreate similar, even the same, younger teenager life. Lots will recreate past events and experiences, along with trying new behaviours and activities. All in their futile attempt to live or do over what they feel they missed out on.
H will continue to hit his brick wall, over and over, until he finds his rock bottom. If he finds his rock bottom.
Originally Posted by Whatlee
I checked into going back to school part time and I'm seriously considering it.
Fantastic! What area of study?
Originally Posted by Whatlee
Had some really bad varicose veins, cartarized and removed. OUCH!!!!!!
I bet you’re glad that’s over. The pain of surgery being well worth the pain-free from the varicose veins.
Hope you have a wonderful day.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Whatlee, you can always post on my thread. Clearly, we both do the same.
I'm a bit behind you in the NC space - I'm still counting in days - but I know how much it hurts to not hear from them. Vets here tell me to GAL all the time. I don't always want to GAL, but force myself to - I really love being a homebody but ruminating is very dangerous. Do you like biking, walking, swimming...anything that you could do daily and go with a friend or even yourself?
Going back to school is a great idea. For a career change or for fun learning? I've always wanted to know more about the stock market (so I could make quick $$) but the material is too dry for me. It wasn't as fun as I had thought.
Mamag, I hate the NC. Makes your mind go to places u don't want it to go. When that happens I find something on here to read or watch YouTube videos or I read my devotion and scriptures for the day and listen to praise and worship.
I would love to ride a bike, my brother has been doing it for years, I don't really have a place or a bike to ride.
I guess I'm gonna have to put school on hold for now. The camper I live in is possibly gonna have to be moved so I'm gonna have to find a better paying job so I can get my own place. Hopefully when that happens I will have more opportunities to do the fun stuff.
I'm headed to the beach tomorrow and I have anxiety abt it and don't know why. I know once I'm down there I will b fine I just have to push through.
I have read your thread and at times could see that u and I are in the same place in our sitch. Stay strong you've got this.
I guess I'm gonna have to put school on hold for now.
Well, maybe as you had planned it will be on hold. Is your purpose a degree? Or is it to GAL and learn things you are interested in?
I recommend and have some experience using Coursera and EdX for online courses. The policy is usually you have to pay for credits toward a degree but the whole course is otherwise free. Just your time. Not even necessary to complete courses. Just go until you learned what you want or were curious about.
"Most edX courses can be viewed in their entirety for free, but certificates are not awarded. Students registered in the paid verified track can earn a certificate upon completion of each course."
These are courses from UC Berkeley, Harvard, UC San Diego, Stanford, U of Michigan, etc...
Originally Posted by MamaG
I've always wanted to know more about the stock market (so I could make quick $$)
Um. - "I've always wanted to know more about the stock market (so I could make quick $$)"
Red Flag. Please take this lesson. Quick $$ = Gambling.
Stake only what you can afford to lose. THEN have fun gambling 🙂. There are sites where you can do this with fake virtual $$ for fun and learning.
g
H:55 XW:50 D19, D18, S13 ILYBINILWY 3/23 DB1 4/23, rescinded 5/23, DB2 6/23 ("I can't do this, I Love HIM") Legal Mediation 1-5 & W leaves 8/23 – 3/24 Settlement 5/24, Court 9/11/24 <-, D 9/16/24
When does this end? When does the heartache and pain go away?
I've had 2 struggle days. 2 days of being on my face praying, begging, pleading with God to just fix it, 2days where my faith is weak, 2 days where my hope is depleted, 2 days of not wanting to do this life anymore, 2 days of wondering how can someone who had such a strong relationship with God, think God is ok with this, 2 days of wondering how is it that someone who is trying to live right is the one hurting the most while the other party is just going on with his life, 2 days of wondering if the 2 years we've been apart has diminished the love he has for me, 2 days wondering has he forgotten abt me, 2 days of why aren't my boys mad at him, 2 days of wondering what is my purpose in this, 2 days of wondering will I ever have more than living in a camper and working 2 dead end jobs, 2 days of lots of tears. I almost feel like I'm back at the beginning of all this mess, with my emotions and anxiety.
Sorry just having a pity party, prob has to do with the weather and the devil. My counselor said this would b hard if I chose to stand, God didn't promise life would be easy. This us just a season and it too shall pass.
When does this end? When does the heartache and pain go away? ... Sorry just having a pity party, prob has to do with the weather and the devil. My counselor said this would b hard if I chose to stand, God didn't promise life would be easy. This us just a season and it too shall pass.
Hey Whatlee, you held a party and didn't invite the rest of us? {{hugs}} I KNOW those party songs! All the way through my strong Christian W saying GOD revealed to her she is supposed to have a relationship with OM.
I've been reading through Truegritter's story and saving off posts along the way. I think this one applies...to you. And to me.
Originally Posted by Truegritter
IMO standing is an essential part of the healing process of the LBS. You will constantly questions this throughout. At least I have up to this point.
You will ask yourself questions like "WTF am I doing this for this person?"
In the beginning we want answers.
...
Then you realize that this is part of YOU
What you have chosen is part of YOU and your character. So what began out of a search for answers for why and what is wrong with you. Out of hurt for what someone did to you...
You see it all has to do with who YOU are. The best part of who YOU are and then...
Sorry grok, for the no invite, it was a stag party....lol I'm not one that wants to involve others in my misery. That was kind of a hypocritical statement cause I post on here when I'm miserable, so I guess I do involve you guys in that misery🙃
Omgoodness
Thanks for sharing, that link, I cried as I read it, I felt the words, still breaking it down so I can fully understand why I felt it but I definitely felt it.
