Just an update. So im settling in in my new environment. Good to finally be around some family and in a completely new environment. While it's only day 2, a sense of relief has set in, I no longer feel trapped and tied down to a place which provided me no satisfaction. Spent the first night watching our country playing in the euro tournament and almost fell asleep after 2 days with no sleep but it was worth spending the time with my cousins. Again one thing that struck me was being at a cafe patio and seeing families with small children and babies enjoying the event and feeling a sense of family and different way of life. Something I'd rarely see if at all in the place I left. Did a few rounds saying hello to my family, now getting into routine of sitting outside and having my cup of coffee and listening to birds and roosters crowing early in the morning. It is a complete 360 from what I left as it's a very rural and remote location and the nearest town only has 40k residents. Moving froma. City of 5million to this is a definite culture change but I've always appreciated peace and quiet and solitude but being surrounded by family is always nice.
Mentally it feels a lot easier to let go of the shackles of everything that held me down and most of the separation stuff is done, just waiting on an ammendment to separation agreement and then can finalize it, but the money from home sale is not a concern. I'm going to take my time to settle rather than jumping head first into new life. Treating it as a vacation at first. When I left I sent one message to her and it was a simple goodbye and nothing more. I didn't expect nor want a reply but I think it's better that way, I didn't want to expend anymore energy on it. These couple of days have given me an oppurtunity to self reflect and look back at my marriage and I realize that Noone should have to endure emotional, physical abuse along with infidelity with no regard for the offended parry nor any remorse. I think for any sort of reconciliation or repairing of marriage requires absolutely humbling oneself and tremendous effort from the person who has hurt the other. We can try all we want to forgive and forget but in the end we cannot do the work for others and it falls on them to fix themselves. There is only so much one can give up of themselves to placate to someone who makes poor conscious choices and willingly damages their partner. Broken people should not be given endless slack or opportunities to do the right thing. If arrogance and entitlement persists in such a person you cannot destroy your own identity to afford a person unwilling to see the error in their ways. Our marriage vows and the promises we make in life is a giant part of our character and personality and if we allow people to walk over our values and show contempt in the process we aren't meant to tolerate this behaviour.
God teaches us to forgive but he does not force us to do so in a situation where the sinning parry does not change their ways, we are to leave it up to God at this point to forgive There's a proverb that says do not cast pearls on swine and nothing is more apt than this. We can find ways to not hold grudges and expend unnecessary energy to do this on our own. Sometimes it truly is best to move on and find your own purpose.
