M, When it comes to responding to the WAS - less is more... so let's go ahead and delete that short story you plan on sending him.
From there - it's not about asking us what to do - it's about figuring out what YOU want and to communicate it to him. Here are some good questions to ask yourself.
1. Are you comfortable seeing your H in the house with you there? or how about at all? 2. Do you feel comfortable with H having access to everything in the home and having the free-will to take it?
Here are two hard truths. One - anything your H "needs" - he could, in theory, buy. Unless its medication or perhaps something given down by his family... he doesn't really need anything from the house now. He can wait until mediation, divorce, reconciliation...etc.
The second is that most likely your H will have a negative response to what you say. This is okay and perfectly normal. You are putting yourself first. Change is hard and will make BOTH of you uncomfortable. Putting yourself gets easier the more you do it... so practice, practice, practice
Once you figure out what is best for YOU, you communicate it very politely, short, and direct. Think of a business deal. For example: If you don't want him in the house or going through everything - your response could be.
"H - Please send a list of what you need and I'll be happy to put in the garage and to schedule a time when you can come pick it up."
If he gets mad... so be it. If he guilt trips you... let it be water off a ducks back. Don't walk on eggshells around him. Understand that this is his choice so it comes with certain consequences. Your job is to make sure he's not protected from those consequences. Not out of anger, rather detachment. Not out of punishment, but out of love.
We all experience consequences... good and bad. It's how we learn and grow. It's how we determine what we want in life, what we need, and who we want to share with.
It's okay you let your H face the consequences of his actions.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
