I was asked to start a new thread and so here I am. My last thread was in newcomers but I'm pretty confident that my H is going through MLC. For this reason, my next thread is listed under MLC forum.
In summary, due to medical reasons and my reluctance to confront my fears, I have not been detaching as much as I should have been. From BD2 in Sept 2023 to mid-May 2024, H has taken me to medical appts and has been coming in and out of our marriage and marital home as will - H moved out in Dec 2023. I did the begging/pleading and such through Feb 2024 at which point I discovered this forum and learned about MLC. My behaviors towards H shifted a bit (less pursuing/no ILU/less touchy) in Feb and I began to let H lead our interactions with some nudging. H kept coming around and 'trying to figure himself out'. I allowed it.
For the last 5 weeks, I have not responded nor acknowledged H's texts unless a question is asked. I wait on my response. I provided minimal detail.
I had major surgery mid-May and rec'd 6 texts from H about my recovery between 5/22 and 6/7. I only provided responses like, "things are looking up" - very general but kind. On 6/4, I rec'd another text from H offering to complete a household chore to which I let H know that I had already asked someone to do it for me. On 6/7, to cut off the touch-n-goes (I suspect that is what H is doing), I responded with 'back to 100%'. Things went quiet for 9 days until I sent a Happy Father's Day text which he acknowledged. On 6/19, H sent a text with no questions and therefore I didn't acknowledge nor respond to. Today, I get a text that H needs to get some things from the house this weekend. I don't know what H wants to take but I definitely get triggered with H coming to take things from our marital home. I want to stop this behavior and as such have considered packing up H's closet for him to come and get. This of course is assuming that it's clothes H wants. (Personally I think H is coming to see how things are going over here.)
Since mid-May, I have not initiated any contact (except HFD text). 'm really trying to detach and go NC - for my own good. I'm struggling with what NC means and how to respond to H about his 'need' to come to the house for more things?
Please help me with a response as I've not been setting boundaries at all and this may be the first H gets from me in text. It is lengthy and I'm trying to not come across angry nor with ultimatums. I'd like to set a stage/boundary.
Draft to H's text that he wants to come to the house this weekend to grab things:
You chose to leave our home in December - it's been 6+ months and time for you to take all your personal belongings so that you aren't missing anything. For your convenience, I have packed it all up for you to grab. As for marital assets, I don't appreciate you treating our home like a shopping center. I have been logging marital belongings that you continue to move down the street to your chosen residence so that you can have the conveniences of our things in your new lifestyle and fantasy life.
I understand that this is hurting both of us, but you are able to change your feelings. You choose everything you think and do. Each of us is responsible for each of our own choices. Abandoning our house was your choice. Coming in and out of it is not tolerable as you would not appreciate me going to your residence for things.
I imagine you have a lot on your mind right now. I want to let you know that if you want to talk to me about whatever is on your mind, I'd be more than happy to listen to you.
