Both S and D look at me cross-eyed if I try to explain with any flavor of the above. It's almost like they think I'm crazy to believe this...never mind say it. I believe what you said about them seeing it for themselves in time. This may be the only way they'll believe.
In that respect I was fortunate that BD was during supper in front on my kids and parents. Seven witnesses to her behaviour and grand announcement.
Most folks have zero awareness of the true reality, magnitude, and horror of a midlife crisis. The common assumption is the Hollywood comedic version. The uninitiated do fight and struggle against the real description, calling only upon their as so far life’s beliefs and experiences; like we all do. It takes seeing the wild behaviours and staggering fragility of the MLCer’s grip on reality to open one’s eyes. And even then, it is difficult to fathom just how deep such a crisis goes.
A once rock solid spouse, a previous responsible parent. Rewriting them into their current status is difficult. These crisis folks become the opposite of who they were. That in itself is difficult to absorb.
Originally Posted by MamaG
I don't know how to control that H is the first thing on my mind when I wake, last on my mind when I fall asleep and often times in my dreams.
Perfectly normal MG. My at the time W was similarly in my thoughts and heart and dreams.
You do not control your dreams. You do/can control how long you’ll dwell upon H once you wake from your slumber.
It’s ok to allow yourself to ponder upon rising from sleep. Taking a few moments as you orient yourself to how things presently are. Then, imagine a big red stop sign, and on to making the bed, brushing your teeth, and going about your day and awesome life. (BTW, the awesome-ness is there, it just takes time to discover and feel/believe it.)
One day, H will no longer be the first thing on your mind when awakening. Be patient, such comes when it is ready to. Part of grief’s journey. It’s bittersweet, sad and joyful, when we begin to start our day without our spouse being our first thought. That sadness does diminish more and more as we progress towards acceptance.
Originally Posted by MamaG
Still crying through the healing and slogging through.
You are doing fine. And yes, it is quite a slog. Keep moving forward. You got this!
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
