Sorry to hear the day took a turn and went sideways. The feeling of being overwhelmed can lead to some rash and unwanted reactions. Glad you went for a walk and found your center again.
Originally Posted by Catman19
I know i shouldnt have done what i did and i know i let her get to me and it definitely was a weak moment for me, but sometimes the disrespect and immaturity can get to be so much that you have to defend yourself.
“But”. You are making excuses here. Own it. Learn from it. Do differently next time. You control you!
Not to beat you up here, please know that.
“disrespect and immaturity can get to be so much that you have to defend yourself.” Let’s unpack that a bit.
Defend against immaturity. In any room there is usually at least one adult. Be the adult. Be the responsible one. Take ownership and accountability of self. It’s all you can control. You.
Defend against disrespect. Boundaries. Clearly stated and enforced. It’s about your response, premeditated response, to disrespectful behaviour. Again, it’s all you can control. You.
Defending. Not quite. Fighting begets fighting. Your desire is only to accomplish the task. Let her be immature. Let her be right. That’s a quick way to deescalate, or by your actions not further a situation.
Defending brings your need to be right. To hold ground. To die on the hill. To fight. It’s inflexible. Be more on how you respond to such immaturity and disrespect, rather than how you defend against such. IMHO.
W: You think you’re just going to buy a whole new set of items where your’e going.
W: Do you think I’m afraid of you.
Catman: W, I’m sorry. I’m not here to fight. I’m just here to get the house cleaned up is all.
Originally Posted by Catman19
Her sole focus seems to be have fun in free time and let the rest take care of itself.
That’s par for the course.
Expectations. You are expecting her to do a certain thing. Her having plans for the weekend and not fully invested into getting the house ready is beyond your control. Dial your expectations to zero. Just deal with the various curve balls being thrown in your direction. And when/if they are thrown.
How far along did you get yesterday? It sounds like W calmed somewhat, and I suspect her parents were helpful in the task too.
Hope today is a better one.
Take care.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
