Just here for update.
So I think I've gotten to the point where I feel a lot more comfortable with emotional detachment, regardless of whether I see her in person or not. I'm now 14 days from closing on the house and 16 days from catching my flight. I have seen her more often now to deal with going through house items. Her still being hyper focused on OM4 has actually kind of made things easier, she has gotten a second storage unit and will just be taking everything that has mixed belongings together. This kind of takes a little of the burden off my hands and I don't really care about small inanimate objects, as the things that I want to keep I have either shipped over the Atlantic and the things I need for here I have stored in my brother's garage. I saw my therapist in person for the last time and gave her a small anyhurium flower as a sign of appreciation for all the guidance, and I must admit it made a massive difference in the healing process. I set up an online session with her for when I'm over there.
When I see the stbxw I look at her and see nothing more than a lost soul. I can see she gets flustered with any logistical thing, I have done most or the heavy lifting in terms of legal documents for home, canceling services, returning equipment, booking rental truck for final move and garbage dump visit

I had a deal where I would sell my car to a close friend for a certain price and when I told her, as I needed to because her name was on the ownership and I'd need a signature, she decided she wanted to buy it off of me for same price. This actually saved me the trouble of having to get a safety inspection pre sale, as is necessary in this jurisdiction and I could transfer over ownership much more easily as spouses are exempt from taxes and safety requirement. I have no clue what she's going to do with an existing car costing 900/month between car loan and insurance + 3000/month in apartment rent and now 2 vehicles under her name. I made sure that the other vehicle which has 22k still outstanding becomes hers and her debt and ownership to carry. So in doing all of this, all my financial obligations here have dropped to 0, the proceeds of home sale will more than cover my outstanding debts and I'll have a really big chunk of money to start fresh.

The one thing that's stuck in my craw is the few times I've spoken to her, she has out of habit continued to accidentally say endearing terms, like babe, sweetie a few times and continued accidentally saying I love you, to the point where I actually had to tell her to stop. This behaviour truly tells me she's in a completely different and abnormal state of mind. It feels like she has been kinder to me but almost seems eerily familiar to last year after I kicked her out and how she showed me more emotion and felt a sense of loss when I took a trip back home. It feels exactly the same as in she's being nice while I'm around knowing I'm going to leave but the emotions and feelings not hitting her yet. I suspect that her head will proverbially hit the wall when my exit date becomes closer and she will feel all the guilt and loss that she hadn't thought of. As someone who lives in the moment and in the feelings of the moment she doesn't foresee these things as I do. I am not bothered by any of these things just merely making an observation as our mediator will draft up a final agreement of separation next Tuesday and that's the final piece in the puzzle for me. I also made it clear to her there will be no communication once I've left, and even if there are belongings of mine mixed in with her things that she is to contact my brother and not to contact me directly, even if she tried outside of email that won't be possible once my number changes.


And a lesson to everyone else going through this, even at this stage yes I still have bad days, emotional days, days of reminiscing and ruminating, days of crying until I have no more energy to do so, I'm accepting and embracing of these feelings as they are the only ways to fully go through the process and move towards proper healing. Do not feel shame for still loving them or missing them, shame for crying for someone who's lost and is onto the next shiny object, they are on their own broken path, full of bumps, potholes and stormy weather, you have to remain steadfast on your own path, one where you can see the run rise on the horizon, moving away from the darkness left behind you. It is through pain, hurt and grieving that one finds a sense of fulfillment, hope and promise. Don't be afraid to take this path but don't let any anchors attached to you keep you from arriving at your destination.