Going nuclear and blasting the particulars is a road sometimes taken. It certainly gets it all out there. And usually drives a pretty big wedge. Nuclear is not something I’d recommend.
It isn't in me to be nuclear. And, as I've pointed out, H has been very quiet - not a whole lot of monstering. Thanks to this site, I know to present myself calmly, be cheery and to not talk about R/M. This has almost forced the calmness we both bring to each other in our interactions. And, I'm hurt. When I get hurt, I tend to internalize it until I can make sense of it....or forget it.
It appears both H and I are wearing a mask. We both remained very calm and collected when we interacted (since BD). Although I believe we both tried to be calm before BD, the 'try' part didn't last. We would yell passionately in the heat of disagreements. H would run and I would chase. Sometimes I'd try holding out for H to approach me, but H typically outlasted me, which only led to more anger in me. I now wonder if H was looking for me to chase (as I interpreted it then) or if H just simply needed space that I didn't afford him because I wanted to resolve the matter and have a great remainder of the day. Space allows awakening, doesn't it?
DnJ, I'm still digesting your comments on fear. Ya - I need to work on fear. It would free me. Time allows awakenings too, doesn't it?
H didn't ask about appt nor offer to take me. Did H forget about the appt? Did H interpret my last text (7 loooooongg days ago) as my medical stuff is behind us and H feels free-at-last? Is my M officially over? Space and time will tell. Ugh, man does that hurt. Goin dark is not for the weak.
Originally Posted by Grok
No, not simply or easy for me. Someone you know well ... knows exactly why it SEEMS that way. laugh
Originally Posted by Grok
Many, many, many, months past BD, when I could speak, I eventually was able to just state very short factual description using W’s own words/actions.
Grok, thanks for reminding me that it's normal. I often wish I could move through my own confusion, fears, feelings, turmoil so much faster. Wish I could be stronger and wiser. I don't know which feeling to battle in each moment. It's so overwhelming. Do I go with winning over sad/lonely, angry, impatient, leery, confused. Sigh
