Affairs are a symptom of a deeper problem. The AP means nothing. They are a band-aid. Affairs are built upon lies and deceit, and require constant and enormous energies to maintain for they are build upon a horrible foundation - like building on sand. Very unstable.
This comment is so common around here and I just can't grasp it. Some days are easier than others to refocus thoughts. Today has been rough. I listened to a podcast talking about a sitch very similar to mine. Altho there was no reference to MLC (nor ages), it defined my life and my H's life leading up to BD pretty well. Reliving the details kicked me hard. I've tried to overcome and convince myself that A's mean nothing but it has had me in tears for hours now. I may need to implement scheduled anger/grieving sessions with timers. I've gotten as far as believing that MLCers are not rational and run....maybe bc I've seen it first hand with H. I guess actions do speak louder than words. Yet, I don't need to 'see'.
G, I read your story (again) and while our timelines may be similar, the MLCers are so different. H is quiet and tells me nothing unless we're friends. Up until about a month ago, we were friends often as H would take me to appointments and we'd share many moments. In the entire 6 months that H has been out of the house, H has not shared any information with me at all. All convos are basically about work and the occasional outing H has. Your scenario provides for monstering that gives insight to where her head is. Confusing as it may be, I would love to know what is going on in H's head/heart. Nothing.... And this right here is what's kept me in a holding pattern. I've lived in denial and fear as I analyze the bread crumbs. I long for a half bite so I can nourish my emptiness of loss and unknowns.
I bounce between many thoughts. Today's fun has been between:
"I won't consider providing good responses to H nor letting H in until there is a concerted effort by H. H must demonstrate true and consistent interest before I can entertain bread crumbs."
and
"I just wish H would text me so that I know I didn't push H away with all the short responses over the last 5 weeks. Should I have nudged H along the path we were on - seeing each other a couple times a week and staying connected - instead of going so dark? (H even called me in early May which he hasn't done on his own accord since last year.)"
As part of my growth, I am proud to say that I don't NEED H. I used to tell H that I want him, I love him and I need him - this all before MLC even. I genuinely believed that I needed him. I now know that I don't NEED him. And, yet another fear: I wonder where 'want' and 'love' will land.
Today's self-allowed rollercoaster ride has generated the question: Do we excuse the MLCer's behavior by classifying it under a term (MLC)? I want to empathize that H is in turmoil and it isn't about me nor M. I can't help but also wonder if LBS simply excuse abandonment, betrayal and unfaithful behaviors under the MLC umbrella. Does that mean that all who abandon, betray and are unfaithful are going through a crisis? hmmm
