What can I do differently?

[grok]

Spent 4 hours with my dad's side of the family yesterday. LOTS of cousins and aunts/uncles. I LOVED every second even though I was afraid they'd ask where H was. They may or may not know, but I had to prepare myself for what I'd say. I'm still not admitting the fact that H lives down the road. Is that denial?

No, not denial. Fear. The news and the effects rippling out beyond your control is scary. Unknown effects. Good and Ill. For you and for him both. I struggled with what to say to anyone, never mind family. How do you say any of this without it appearing as attempts to harm? How will that affect relations?

Anyway, only one aunt/uncle couple asked if H was hurt or what was reason for not attending (H always attended and was enjoyable). I responded with H's job requires him to work sometimes so H couldn't come. That was the only interrogation - I feared more than that and considered not attending. SO glad that I decided to go. Laughs and hugs all around. So many memories shared. Truly a great afternoon with my fam and a reminder that I don't need H to enjoy life.

Many, many, many, months past BD, when I could speak, I eventually was able to just state very short factual description using W’s own words/actions.

- Fam/Friend, W told me she was unhappy and is “in love” with another man. She is proceeding with divorce. She moved herself out fall of 2023. I and our children are doing surprisingly well in our home. She is NOT my enemy.

Does this blame, cause harm, etc? Perhaps, but it is the bare truth. I’m letting the chips fall where they may. The SUNSHINE of truth is necessary for all of us. That doesn’t mean I go any further into details. I’m avoiding generating battling contingents of friends and family. I won’t put them in the middle. I also refuse to be held hostage to my FEAR of people knowing the truth of what IS happening.

I'm so glad you had such a time with family! That kind of support is immensely helpful to the state of your heart and mind. My family is on the other side of the US. I did take a two week trip with the kids to see them ~6 months after BD. It was wonderful to the heart and soul.

What time can I pick you up for appt?
What did you learn? What did dr say? (since H won't be attending)

Lets see if I have this right…brevity version
“I have a ride, thanks”
“Nothing new or unexpected ”

g