Depression is real, whether you are MLCer or betrayed spouse, whether it's shown, indicated, displayed or not. The difference being how we cope with it. The mlc or walkaway don't know how to confront things and they cope with temporary dopamine hits hoping it solves their problems, they blame their spouse for what they are feeling and think there's a magic bullet to fix it, they build up bitterness and resentment to what they perceive is the cause. How it turns out for them has a lot to do with how they confront it, who they surround themselves with, how willing they are to self reflect, they are afraid of being alone, afraid of missing out on something, afraid of growing older, afraid of mortality, afraid of responsibility. The betrayed feel the depression from being deeply hurt, questioning their self worth, their own value, questioning their own actions, asking themselves what they could have done differently.
Whether you are on one side or another, sitting with the thoughts and rumination of the feelings tends to make things worse, self reflecting and making life changes is so key, it's the only way to get over the mental obstacles. Overcoming the feelings takes tremendous work, one of the biggest things is staying active, working on health both mental and physical. No objects or shiny things can fix us, we become human and at our core is our identity, we value our health and well being more and work on those things because it makes us better spiritually.
A good therapist, good, supportive family and friends makes a massive difference, we are social beings and find comfort in these things more than any material object or temporary infatuation relationship. To me this is where God and faith come in, we have to find the inner strength to uphold and fortify our values, what we find important to us, how we want to live our lives, how we want to love and be loved.
Your H must be living inside a tornado of his own thoughts, as I assume you are as well. Keep strong and be there for your child and be the rock in this stormy weather, be kind to yourself and those around you, but uphold your values. Pray for your spouse even though you may not want to, it brings comfort and manifests positive energy out into the world.
