Grief and Gratitude, Grok

[grok]

G’s saga continues
mega update version

So enough about that....

What are your plans for the weekend ???

Let’s see… at the time I read this on Friday I was planning dinner.

Since I am by myself for a bit…hmmmm. I don’t want to let food in the fridge go to waste so I’ll use leftovers and remnants, no new stuff. The little bit of white rice as a base. I’ll throw in a frypan some of the half an onion, bell pepper before it goes bad, brown mushrooms, celery tops, brown mushrooms, and some butter. I poke around in the spice cabinet and smell the various dried herbs and season when it seems to fit. Just for fun I’ll add some wasabi sea salt from the magnetic container stuck to the outside of the fridge. Protein, Protein. Four frozen meatballs go in the microwave. This counts as remnants since, after trying them, none of the kids will eat this brand. Just for fun a little grated sharp white cheddar. There. Cheddar over meatballs over sautéed veggies, over rice. Yum just for me.

The week before

Alone…I should back up a bit to last Monday though. Some months back W said she wanted to take the children to visit her parents and brother around this time when her nephew graduates high school. I said sure, of course they should see those grandparents. Then I STFU. Not another peep or offer.

Over time it got reduced from 2+ weeks to just a week including travel time. Everyone else involved had various objections and plans. Also, I’ve always been the one to plan and book all the travel. I didn’t ask but gathered from kids remarks that the grandparents helped plan/fund the trip.

W and kids departed for the airport well before dawn last Monday. After Sunday church I got the kids ready and helped them pack. Got them fed before W arrived. Then the menagerie was up to me for the week. Three dogs, two birds, two rabbits, one chicken and assorted D17’s plants.

This means a modified work schedule so I’m not away from the dogs for more than 8 hours. Monday evening I hit the mountain bike trails to work out.

Tuesday evening I went to the brewery to sit and read/write with a local brew and sandwich.

Wednesday evening I did NOTHING!

Thursday and Friday evenings I got my butt in gear to start the next stage of house purging. Both debris of the years that W has never taken care of and W’s stuff seemingly abandoned in place. Treadmill and exercise bike had’t been used in years, out to the garage they go. Furniture bits that are hers alone get stacked in the corner where exercise stuff had been. I had purchased 27 gallon totes to pack a bunch of her clothes in and stack. Pulling down some pictures from walls and shelves. As I go through as separate some obvious ones It hits me how much joy is shown through the years in those pictures. They don’t match claims of long term unhappiness.

I make the aforementioned dinner!

Plans for the weekend 1

Saturday was cleanup day as kids will be back around midnight. But hey, thinking on Mach1’s question… There is a car show today! I abandon cleanup mid-morning and head out to the car show. I eat a burger and start viewing. A 60’s VW camper van in pristine condition! Just like the one my dad had when I was little. It was stolen from him at gunpoint in Mexico. Lots of 60s and 70s big American iron. Exotics….Bently, Rolls Royce, an early Ford GT40, ’83 Lotus Esprit Turbo, NSXs, Nissan GT, and more. Others…Miata stuffed with a 5.0 (those are fun…), Monte Carlo SS (In my dorm at college a guy had one. One day he comes zipping up and parks. FIVE minutes later the law comes racing up with flashing lights…), Shelby Cobra, Bel Aire, Hot Rods galore, Willys Jeeps, and more. It was fun. After three plus hours in 95F+ heat I head home and have a nap. Finish cleanup later.

Kids return and upsets
Messaging kids all day as they travel. It looks like ETA is after 1am. I know they will be tired and hungry so I set bread baking in the bread maker to finish just before they arrive. Hot fresh bread! All kids tired and ready for bed. Some upset from D17 when she realizes I had moved some minor pieces around and to the garage. She is the one who likes zero change.

D17, ”DAD! YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHEN YOU ARE CHANGING ANYTHING!”. A brief discussion intense with her and it will be OK. She is still a little mad and wants to know before I do things though. Fair.

S12 is having a hard time though. Quietly crying in his bed. Intense exposure to W, Grandparents, Uncle, Aunt, Cousin, and now home on top of the mom/dad issue was wrenching change. I sat with him at his bed for a while and talked with him. Validated sadness as legitimate. That I also I also felt sad. I think closer to 3a to sleep.

Up at 7a for dogs. Throw pre-made cinnamon rolls in the oven for kids. Spend the next hours setting up S12’s old computer for D17. Her laptop drive failed the other day and replacement drives I have were too small to restore the backup to. Kids wake slowly. No church today, they are all tired. I go to take a shower and big dog eats one of D17’s suitcase wheels in the 10 minutes I am away. Aaarrggg! That suitcase was a birthday gift to her from W.

I go to tell D17 and promise she may pick a replacement now or in the future. She is upset for a few minutes then, says with a straight face, “Dad, I can’t go get one right now, I’m not even dressed yet!” I start to explain then stop. She got me. Droll humor. Ha!

S12 appears and has tears in his eyes. W is on a video call with him. She looks like she has tears too. S12 hands me the call.
W, “G, he needs extra hugs today OK? He is having trouble.”
G, “Yes I know and of course I will.” Then I STFU about all the reasons he is feeling this way. Like I would be so dense as not to know.
W, ”S12, I’ll come by later OK?” . She hangs up.
G, ”S12, just like last night I know you feel sad. It’s ok to feel that way and let the tears out. Then we get ourselves up and go do the good things of the day. The doing of those things will help us feel better. How was the amazing <super cool giant location> you visited?”
S12, ”I don’t know dad. I don’t feel like anything is cool or exciting even when it should be.”
My heart bleeds.

OK, time to prep D17 and S12 with foods and myself for travel. D19 and I are going to a concert tonight. I just get started when I hear -

D17, [I]”Daaaad, Daaaad, …. Come RIGHT now…. Where are you? Help me Help me Help me”. I have a bad feeling about this.
D17, ”Mom’s remaining bunny isn’t moving. Help me. “

She is trembling and barely keeping it together. It turns out like the other bunny that died, W hasn’t been keeping care of it. Poop and pee matted fur. Flea bites everywhere. I give it 50/50 of living through this. D17 and I take it out into the back yard where I gently hose it down while she trims fur off with scissors. What a mess. D19 gets a squeeze bottle to give it water. Food is mashed into a syringe. We put it inside in a clean plastic bin. There was some talk of calling W but D17 shut it down.

D17, “We can’t keep this bunny”
G, “D17 you are right. I will tell W she must take the bunny to her place like she said she would.”
D17, “NO, I’ll talk to her. If we send it with her the same thing will happen again and I can’t take that. WE have to find it a new home. Dad, It’s better if I tell her”

D17 finding her voice and limits with her mom.

Plans for the weekend 2 - Concert!

Now…off on a three hour drive to the NF concert with D19. I set up with D17 and S12 that we will be back about 2a. On the drive D19 and I talk a bit about home and her siblings. I tell her I’m proud of her for being able to directly tell her mom what she thinks of all this mess. Not what I think of it, what she D19 thinks. We have burgers just outside the arena. While there I was messaging with my best man (the one I reconnected with this last year). He says,

“My son's favorite artist. I've been to 3 NF concerts, myself
His songs deal with not being a victim and just staying that way”

Huh. Well isn’t that on theme! I should pay attention…. The concert was great.

On the drive back home, right now, I check the camera records. W had stopped by twice earlier for 5 minutes each. Now at bed time she stopped by again for 40 minutes to walk the dogs then departed. I wonder what S12 thought of the promised stop by.

Now? 1am. One hour to go to get home and typing we travel. D17 and S12 say they are in bed. D19 is driving both ways since my vehicle is “more zoomy and I like it.”. What are my weekend plans for tomorrow? I don’t know. I had car show and concert on my plans and the rest just filled in completely. I’ll sleep on it…zzz

g