So I finally made the decision to book my one way ticket, end of the next month I will be leaving the country I've called home for 35.5 years. It's bittersweet but a change of scenery to a new place with a stronger support system I'd a welcome change from the current status quo. Stbxw came over today and she kept giving me that look, aka the trying to use charm on me look, but I've been manipulated so much by her and I see that she continues her second honeymoon romance with OM 4, that it basically stuck to me like an egg on a Teflon pan. I look at her and although the sound of her voice still feels comforting and she didn't seem as irritated with me, I look at her and I see an ugly person inside. Someone who is still lost and confused. I suspect her putting off losing me is not going to go as plan, as I've warned her that this would happen but I don't think the gravity of it has hit her yet.
To be honest I am spending more mental energy envisioning my life there and someone I know from here has reached out to me and I might consider doing some sort of business with them eventually. I like keeping my options open and keeping doors from closing. For the first time in a while I see the silver lining in what is to come. Giving away my things has become easier and easier and I've detached mostly from any of my possessions. I know the final moving out of house and getting on the plane will be hard on many fronts, but I cannot live my life in limbo and I have to let what God desires for me to happen. It has been a long and hard road but the obstacles one must overcome become learning lessons and fuel to fortify ones faith and inner strength.
