Thank you for your kind words MamaG. Yeah I do regret coming onto these forums a year too late and doing everything I shouldn't have done. That being said it definitely was a combination of many things, mlc, failure of fertility as central to that. I think when I realized she was never going to change and self reflect was when through my snooping I saw she was ending it with the ap that started while in this marriage and continued through R and I had met her in person. She seemed somewhat contrite and sad when looking at a small family and I could feel the pain of reality of not being able to be a mom. I kindly said to her, you know happiness is not something you should seek to get from others but something you have from deep inside, she gently nodded and agreed. A day later through my snooping she's confessing she wants to spend the rest of her life with a new guy, along with a bunch of sexual talk. A day later I see a flood of messages from original AP about how she cheated on him.
When I saw these actions and tried to match it to her words I could see that not only was she not listening to her therapist or working on bettering herself or even trying to show me any remorse, I realized I needed to extricate myself from this person in my life.
There comes a point when you hold out hope someone can come to realization of their actions or at least see some effort to better themselves and all I say was her repeating the cycles of behavior but at an even more accelerated pace.
I don't recommend anyone snoop, I was just tired of being manipulated in this whole process and trying to open my heart a little to her to show her what real love is, but her actions never matched her words, her tears felt manufactured to keep me around, her sometimes apologetic words felt like a ploy just to keep me in her life. Through the snooping I also saw her interactions with her sister and how it seems that they have built a bond against me and their own parents who have done everything for them, to the point about saying the parents have shown them toxic gratitude and that I'm being a narcissist and toxic. Like it seems she's being enabled to act out worse. I have realized it's time for me to find happiness and the damage that has been done by her and her supporters can not be reversed and I don't think I can ever look at them in any semblance of a loving manner.
I believe I deserve someone who respects me and loves me for who I am and I don't want a life of second guessin, triggers, doubts, intrusive thoughts, it's not a healthy way to live. Knowing that the woman I've spent almost a quarter century with is sharing her body with what is now the 4th or 5th man makes me understand that I don't have any value in her life and mind

And to add to that it seems her childishness and rebeliousness has only gotten worse, almost to the point of being completely insufferable, all while she projects resentment and anger towards me for any minor or imperfect actions from me in the marriage. Resentment is the enemy of accountability and I can see that I'd rather be alone and heal and work on myself then put myself through round 3 of trying to fix something I did not break with someone who doesn't realize they aren't broken.

That being said, I see some positive signs in your situation, it's a situation worth showing patience in and it seems he's having a difficult battle within himself, from your thread I don't see overt signs of repetitive disrespect and demeaning of character with someone else involved to the extent it became so in my face with me. Be patient t and please focus on your physical health, your mental health will follow, find comfort in faith it has helped make me stronger. We all answer to a higher being and we must be thankful for what we have as there are others who are worse off. Hang in there you are doing the right thing and getting good advice here, do not show weakness to him but do not let him make you his doormat. A teenager is much like mlc they will push your boundaries and see what they can get away with and the more you let them the further they will take it.