Sorry if the GAL phrase is a bit triggering as well as the phrase, "you need to."
It’s perfectly alright. I understand how from your side of the screen it can sound a bit contentious, a bit triggering. Get A Life does not imply you don’t have a life. It’s more encouragement towards expanding your current life and its definition. Expanding your comfort zone and self imposed boundaries.
I defined myself as Husband, Dad, worker, and such. Bomb drop blows everything apart. GAL is pretty apt whilst one’s pieces lay fragmented littering the landscape. Hobbies, events, friends, family, work, support, etc. Exploring new and forgotten things, exploring old and reliable things. Exploring each piece while re-assembling myself back together.
Strengthening, crafting/aspiring, and discarding various pieces. Getting a life. Getting my life.
A life defined without XW, nor by XW. (GAL is also useful for seeing gaslighting, the manipulation, and poisonous words we have absorbed.)
When defining myself now: Man, Dad, Son, Friend, etc. The shift for me was me. Before I defined more by what I did, and the roles I filled. Nowadays, I define by who I am. My convictions!
This was not some great gigantic shift. I’ve always been responsible, trustworthy, sincere, honest, etc. I was a Boy Scout. lol. It’s just become more right. More in the fore.
In my deep dark depression it was easy to find hills I was willing to die on. Finding the conviction and strength to live for them! That’s getting a life!
I’d die for her. I’d die for my marriage. I’d die for my kids. That’s easy. Live for it/them. Now, that’s a shift.
Being willing to die upon a hill, does just that. We die a bit. We stagnate. We stop growing. Living for that hill, is rejuvenating. Is purpose. Is life.
Originally Posted by Whatlee
My thoughts (just thoughts) today are should I email the "ex"OW and defend the lies she was told about me and our marriage?
Do I just say bump all of this, call my attorney and just be done with all of it?
In all reality I'm not gonna do either of those things, they're just thoughts.
Exploring one’s thoughts is a good thing. I commuted 200 km daily and had lots of time to think as well. I’ll reinforce what I’m pretty sure you’ve come to: no point in speaking with XOW. And you’re not ready for tossing in the towel.
Originally Posted by Whatlee
I don't want a D, it's just thoughts that go through my head in my alone time. Like is the only reason he isn't D'ing is because he doesn't want to pay spousal support, in the meantime he's doing whatever he wants, with whoever he wants and I'm living in a camper.
I’m sure spousal support is, at times, upon his mind.
However, you living in a camper. If you need financial security or protection - get it!
I know you have a L. Ensure you know your rights. What you’re entitled to. What could happen, and is likely to happen in a divorce. Asking questions is just gathering information, and information is power. You don’t necessarily have to proceed. However, you might need to.
Getting financial support may be as far you have to go. A legal agreement for the time being.
I’m a proponent of leaving the heavy lifting to the spouse wanting out of the relationship. However, when your financial needs are not being met, that changes things. It’s the business side of the situation. Deal with it as business.
How ever it’s phrase, Get a life, Have a life, Live a life, you’ve got lots of years in front of you. Ensure you can fund them.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
