I can relate to this situation somewhat. When mynl stbxw was separated from me, by her choice and she was seeing AP, she would come by to get mail but would use the opportunity to take things that belonged to both of us. At first I let her take a couple of things but then it became crystal clear to me she wanted the convenience of our things in her new lifestyle and to make herself feel as comfortable as possible in her fantasy life with AP who later it didn't work out with. After a couple of times I put a stop to it and said if you want to come by here to get things and you don't want to deal with selling our home or working on our marriage, I won't put up with it. It was as if she was trying to have her cake and eat it too. And she used it as an excuse to see me and get affection from me, while she was triangulating me with AP. Yes the behavior was extremely childish and rebellious and anything you say to them that doesn't sit well with them is seen as a personal attack. I too like you took care of the home and kept it absolutely spotless and it bothered her that I clearly didn't appear to need her in any form whatsoever.
Keep doing what you are doing and don't allow him the privilege of using your house like a saloon door.
May I suggest getting a smart doorbell camera, tell him it's for your security but use it to see if he's taking advantage of coming to the home when he's not giving you advanced notice. Just seeing the doorbell camera hell get the message loud and clear. Let your daughter interact with him as she wishes but support her as much as you can. Don't give him any reason to blame you for that relationship. They will blame you for everything and anything to avoid self reflection.
