Checking in with my DB family...

D invited H to the house because she wanted a couple things done that she/I couldn't do. H is desperate to win D over and therefore, came right over after work. H took care of the 2 items and then...

H: Asked me if I needed anything else done at the house.

MG: I reminded H that I didn't call upon him so NO, I don't have anything that needs to be tended to.

H: Reiterated that if I need anything done to just call him.

MG: I will not call you. You know what needs to be done around here just as I do, so I will not call you.

H: insisted that I call him for anything (H's face was surprised and disappointed with my stance to not call upon him. It was almost like H had noticed that I don't call but didn't realize it was deliberate.)

MG: repeated, No, I won't call you.

H: Asks what I have in mind that H should know needs to be done.

MG: I reminded him that 3 weeks ago, H was going to fix a water issue for which I bought parts for.

H: Immediately remembered that he had committed to that and said that he'd come by tonight.

MG: I told H that there is no rush and if work ties him down, it's ok to not come.

Later, I was in backyard and H and D were in the garage. D told him to stop taking things from the house, especially in a secretive way. (H placed yard games from the garage in his truck quickly to not be caught.) D noticed and was super offended and told H that the games aren't his and that H should ask to take them. H broke out in an immediate temper, threw something into the truck (tantrum) and stormed off saying, "I don't need permission to take my things." And, off H went. I haven't heard from H today....likely not coming and that's ok by me. What sparked the tantrum? Shame? Guilt? Anger?

I explained to D that H is a teenager and teenagers do things secretively and rebel selfishly, and behaving with no regard for others. D told me that she didn't do that as a teenager and I agreed but reminded her that her friends did. (D and S were not typical teenagers - thankfully.)

It was clear to me that H's visit yesterday was intended to win D over but quickly realized that H wasn't as impactful as H had thought. Rather, H dug a bigger wedge between the two of them. Hopefully H knows and remembers it.

While here, lawn service came by to mow. H was curious, jumped out of his seat and straight to a window bending over backwards to see who was mowing. Both D and I noticed his behavior. On his way out, H said, well, I guess I'll go mow my lawn now....almost wishing someone would mow his. I don't know. For a second, I thought H was realizing that I'm getting around just fine without him and that upset him. But then I wondered if me getting stuff done without him relieved pressure. Not sure which it is but I can tell you that I haven't seen H move so quickly nor H's curiosity peak so vividly like yesterday.

This brings me to what I'd call a boundary....not sure what you'll make of it. H comes and goes around here very comfortably. Opens garage door with his opener, parks in garage and comes right in like H is still at home. To date, I've only asked that H let me know in advance so I'm not spooked. Clearly, I've let him feel at home. Do I need to stop this and change the locks? That would reduce his visits and let him know this isn't H's home anymore to shop in....Thoughts? Am I reacting out of anger from yesterday? I know that I don't like him coming by to take things. It leaves me a reminder that H is still moving out and not looking to move in. (It's not about what H is taking. It's about the reminder of H's wish to not be here anymore.) H finds reasons to come by and may be enjoying my body language of disappointed when H snags things - can't wait to control it! Not to mention that H coming by to get something is beginning to feel like manipulation.

I've also considered packing up H's things and putting them in basement - that way, H knows what pile he can shop in...the rest are marital assets.

As much as I want to give him enough time and space for him to choke on, I don't see H allowing it. His clingy boomerang style is unnerving. Yet, I've learned that clingy boomerang is likely to come home so should I be celebrating or do I need to cut him off?