Sooo many unknowns

[mirage]

Whatlee,

I have learned this from what we have gone through. This is difficult stuff. Learn to give yourself a break. If you don't learn to love yourself do you expect someone else to. It took me close to 2 years to reorient myself to fully making it about me after my EXW left. Mack1 asked me similar tough questions he's asking you. He does it because he cares, not for any other reason. It's the only way we move forward.

MamaG,

I'll answer your questions on this thread but if you have further questions please start a thread. I will certainly read it. I don't want to highjack Whatlee's thread. although I will be gone for a couple weeks and not be able to read.

Yes, I knew enough about 6 months in that something profoundly wrong was going on within me.(the ironic thing is this had to happen if I was ever to be whole again). I wouldn't wish MLC on anyone, the pain inside your head is so intense and I can't tell you if it's real but it sure feels that way. But....I would go through it again to be where I am in life.

The internal/external thing is only my opinion. But internal for me meant that I knew that the answer was inside me. So any type of distraction, affairs, cars, drugs, alcohol was not going to help although some days the pain was so great(ending it crossed my mind many times) but not the other typical actions of outside MLC'ers. The pain was so intense for me I couldn't be involved enough timewise to go do external things. Something felt right to read and dig, read and dig and do it some more. Somewhere inside me I sensed a little voice telling me to keep going. I call it the mystical side of life, very intangible weird thing that I can't describe to make it make sense.

Haha.....it was very easy after I i came out of MLC to look back and decipher the stages, rock bottom, and the other things that come with it. There was too much pain to really decipher anything for the first 1 1/2 yrs. There is a peacefulness that came along with exiting the MLC crises. If that did not happen I don't think I would have been able to dig deep and answer Mach1's probing questions when my Exw hit her own(external MLC), But in answering those questions that allowed me to discover new tools that I needed to move my life forward.



Mirage