They do not listen to the people that they have walked away from. Their new group of friends are the ones they listen to while in crisis. Why? Because their new friends do not know the real person that they once were. They sit back and encourage them to do things and then laugh about it. They listen to people who tell them what they want to hear, i.e., like, leave your spouse, spend your money, etc. If the person that they are talking to says "go home, you shouldn't do this or that", they will shut them down and have nothing to do with them. It is all about hearing what they want to do which is have fun, explore and be a teenager once again.
Sure, they think about us. But do they tell us....no! They remain curious about us and what we are doing. Many of them do remember what they did, but they will not admit it. If and when they come out of the crisis, they would much rather sweep everything under the rug and not address it. It takes them a very long time to come back to the real world. If you send them messages or letters, they keep them. Some even keep the ribbons, cards and wrapping paper that you send them gifts in. These are the threads that keep them tied to us even though they want to run.
Yes, they do remember what we say to them and did. They even may bring those things back up during their crisis when they are hurt or angry.
It's okay to ask questions. You are trying to understand. Please, take some time and read the other threads on this forum. Many of your questions may be answered and new questions may arise once you have read the other threads.
Please try to remember that each person's crisis is similar, but also different. It all depends upon the personality and the home life that the person had when growing up. Each person will handle their crisis differently. Some do not leave home and others do. Some go to the extreme in testing the limits of life and others do it more calmly. By calmly, they may go fishing all of the time or work and put all of their attention in other activities that do not take them away from home. Some just sit and contemplate. The crisis can happen to anyone, not just people who are married.
Keep asking questions. You are very new to the MLC and there is not one answer that fits all. Keep reading, especially on depression. Depression is the main ingredient of MLC.
Continue to GAL and know that you are not alone on this journey. There are many currently here seeking answers and many who have gone before you that come back around to help pay it forward.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
