So it had been a week since a random text from H was sent to the kids (group text generally). H sent a "GM! I Love you" text. Nothing more. While they still don't (and neither do I) understand why H does this, kids are accepting of it and entertain with a short response. Any idea why H does this? And, how do I explain this behavior to D19 and S21? In between random texts, there is little or no interactions between them.
Although rare, yesterday D reached out to H about something H has and she needs. H suggested that she come get it and asked what she needed it for D still has not and insists on not going to H's new 'home' so she declined by noting how busy she is and can have me go get it if H is not willing to bring it back. Well, of no surprise, H offered to drop it off today - doesn't want me going to his safe space. We'll see how that goes. But this confirms, as I've been wondering, if H secretively wants me to take any interest in his new life and 'home'. Do MLCers want me to see or take interest in their new world? I've always voiced that I won't help H nor take interest with H's new 'home'.
It's been 13 days since I've seen H and since we've spent time together. This is soooo long (for us) and I miss him but I don't look for his texts like I used to. This morning, thinking I may get a text about bringing over D's request before going to work, I cringed that the text I rec'd was from him. It wasn't but the feeling of 'please don't let it be H who is texting' is a different thought from a month ago where I prayed it was his text that came through. I guess I'm making progress but I can't help but wonder if I'm moving away from him and losing interest. Am I getting bored and giving up? I really hope not as this brings me to tears....and I don't know why. Just sharing what a crazy life a LBS leads for way too long. I tell myself that H asked for space and so I'm honoring his request.
I often consider what the 'right thing to do for the MLCer' is in most circumstances while trying to not let him dictate my actions and GALing. I don't want to work around him but considering the 'right thing to do' (DBing) is also in some way letting him lead my actions and decisions, isn't it? It's so confusing. Can you help me distinguish as these scenarios pop up from time to time? For example, I'm torn with having him take me to surgery next week. If I'm honest with myself, I will go into surgery and come out with more ease and comfort if I include him. All things DBing say to not include him and find another ride (including DnJ whom I listen to ). When should I consider my wants/needs above his current crisis/DBing recommendations? How much more productive/effective would it be to exclude him? I imagine H would feel left out and potentially showing him more of my back if I exclude him....but, if nothing I do will influence his journey, how can I make sense of this? If I knew that leaving him out would help him along his journey (missing me and what I'm doing or creating fear that I'm moving on), I would find it in me to accept another ride. But it's not always clear that me not doing what I want versus DBing will even impact his journey at all. I guess it's a two part question to help me decide on including/not including H in surgery. Note: My circle is wide - very thankful and blessed - and have several offering to take me for the surgery 2 hours out. But, somehow, I really think I would want him to take me.
To all you readers who don't comment, I'm hopeful that you see/feel that you're not alone. I'm out here too trying to figure out this new normal everyday living. There is nothing normal about this and hard to navigate with family and friends who aren't going through it. It's such a lonely space and time in our lives.
Can someone show me how I can search other's stories. I read through Spirit but don't know how to find others like Smartcookie, Rollercoasterrider, MyFavoriteWeirdo, Sandi. I happen to stumble upon stories and don't know how to locate stories that are recommended. Would like to do some reading as I recover on the couch next week.
). When should I consider my wants/needs above his current crisis/DBing recommendations? How much more productive/effective would it be to exclude him? I imagine H would feel left out and potentially showing him more of my back if I exclude him....but, if nothing I do will influence his journey, how can I make sense of this? If I knew that leaving him out would help him along his journey (missing me and what I'm doing or creating fear that I'm moving on), I would find it in me to accept another ride. But it's not always clear that me not doing what I want versus DBing will even impact his journey at all. I guess it's a two part question to help me decide on including/not including H in surgery. Note: My circle is wide - very thankful and blessed - and have several offering to take me for the surgery 2 hours out. But, somehow, I really think I would want him to take me.
