I so appreciate the advice and I need to apologize for my success comment from earlier. Every situation is different and to some of the LBS's whose situation was really bad divorce may be a success to them. So I do apologize.
For me at least, no apology needed.
Like I said, you have a very specific goal in mind, and anything less would be considered a failure.
And that will change over time.
My marriage did not survive, however...
I am a better Son, Father, Friend, and Partner than I was when I arrived here battered and bruised...
So how could I possibly consider that I failed in any way. ???
I am thankful for what I went through and the roads that I have traveled, because they have all led me to who I am today.
Originally Posted by Whatlee
It is extremely hard not talking to him, we've been together since I was 15yrs old and I just turned 50. To go from seeing and talking to him everyday to NC....smh. It's been 1yr 8months since the BD, however I'm not real sure how long he's been in crisis before that.
I'll just keep standing in the gap for my family, I know what a counselor can't do my God can.
I'm gonna address some things that I see with this....
Nothing about this is easy, and I would venture that you may be having such a hard time because so much of you is tied to him, and the marriage.
You have defined yourself by the roles in your life. A girlfriend so young, then a bride, wife, Mother, caretaker, and whatever else you want to pile on top of that.
Yet when has there ever been a time just for you ?
Discarding all of those roles and who you are inside of yourself....
???
Because something tells me that you don't have a clue...
So much of your life seems to be tied to his thoughts, his words, his actions, and that is why you feel that success is solely measured by the marriage.
MLC sukcs the wind out of us, each of us. No matter what side you are on, it will rip your life apart....
Yet I will tell you this...
Time is on your side here.
While the MLCer is soul searching and looking for answers, YOU get to do the same thing, only with a rational mind and without the destructive behavior.
You (hopefully) will eventually see this time as a gift, a gift of yourself.
So maybe try to stop thinking so much and wondering so much about who, why, what, where, and how he is doing this or that.
And wisely use that time finding and rebuilding yourself.
So maybe start thinking about who you are, what you want, what defines you as a Woman instead of all those other roles...
???
Originally Posted by Mirage
Mach1, my true online friend. My life is wonderful. It is so different from what you ask me I wanted and I don't regret any of it. It's been an amazing journey. I can picture all of us sitting around a campfire. You, me, truegitter, Cat, Job, DNJ and many others enjoying where we are in life. True successes.
I couldn't be happier for you my friend...
You've worked hard for yourself, and walked through Hades to get there.
As I picture your scenario, it warms my heart.
We can't all be there for it, yet in thought, it would be wonderful...
