Not at first. I didn't know anything about MLC. I started to think it may be an MLC about 6 month's into it. I remember looking into the mirror and asking " what the ---- is a matter with you? and "Why is this happening"? I would look in the mirror and it seemed like nobody was even staring back at me. Like I was an empty soul. At that point in my life I was happy, had a family and what I considered a good marriage and a good job. A pretty good life. So Why....
I remember asking a couple guys about it. Most of them didn't really want to discuss it so I felt isolated. I had one good friend that looked at me one day and said "dude you are messed up? what's going on?. I told him. He couldn't relate.
I started reading as much as I could about MLC. I didn't make it far most days as the depression just wouldn't allow it. But I did have a glimmer of hope when I read a book about a pastor, that had an MLC an ostresized his whole family. He wrote the book after he came through it. it gave me some hope. So I continued reading other authors/psychiatrist/psychologist and began to try and self therapy. I remember a quote in one of the books from Churchill "When your going through hell, keep going", so I did. Again the process was slow. like walking through mud. plus the MLC side of the brain was always saying don't do this. Give in to the temptation. The temptation was always some distraction.
As an off hand remark. I think I was a lucky one. I eventually knew it was an MLC. Most people and I know a couple that have gone through MLC's or are going through an MLC will say. NO, Not Me. I'm fine it's everybody else that's messed up. Don't they see I'm happy cheating on my spouse, leaving the kids, partying, etc, etc etc. Life is grand. Anything to distract them from the real pain going on inside them. So, they don't have a chance to get better, until they want to. You have to be intentional if you want to beat this from my point of view.
The books taught me to ask myself the tough questions. What I learned is if you don't ask yourself the right question, your never going to get the right answer. But the process is slow. I asked myself the tough questions for days/weeks on end. The answers came slowly but.....They came. So eventually I was able to process the pain into what it was actually about.
I may step on some toes here but, I don't think most therapist are equipped to handle MLC. You have to be a really well read therapist who get's it or you have been through one yourself to at least be in a position to help a person navigate MLC. Plus, if your right about your husband and a therapist get's to close to the pain, they run, that's what they do.
Hopefully this helps. Sorry if it's scattered but this was 18 yrs ago and I'm really testing the memory.
