so this is a ruff week. the divorce will be finalized Thursday. I've been trying to stay busy and GAL but I'm still struggling with acceptance. I'm having a hard time accepting my new life. I keep thinking of the good days and wishing i could get that back somehow. I know its over and the good days with her will never return. part of me has been hoping she would change her mind and that the divorce would be canceled. I told my councilor that i know that's a foolish thought because even if we did get back together I wouldn't be able to trust her and i would be worried about if she would end things again. my councilor suggested I write a list of reasons I shouldn't be with her and so far I've come up with 24. we are also working on me finding anchors because i feel like I'm floating in the middle of the ocean lost at sea. the loneliness [censored]! I'm tired of feeling pain.
I don't want to think about her anymore. this may sound harsh but i don't want to care about her anymore. I miss my family we had and i was really close to her kids. and it kills me that she could throw me and my daughter away so easily like yesterdays trash.
my goals are to stay busy and keep trying to GAL. did anyone struggle with acceptance? if so what helped? also I'm struggling with the thought of her being with someone else. I'm not sure if she is or not but it makes me sick to my stomach when the thought pops in my head. i immediately start to thing of better things when that thought comes to mind but it still stings.
I'm still in a battle with thoughts of I'll never be happy again, I'm going to be alone forever and I'm to broken to be fixed. I counter with I will be happy again, I will find somebody that's right for me and I am fixable. the fight is tiresome and I lose the fight some days.
