Thanks for the mother's day wishes - my kids are amazing; family is priceless! Hope everyone enjoyed the weekend.

I did receive a Happy Mother's Day text yesterday morning which I really wanted - 10 hours later, I responded with "TY". Simple but kind. I don't know how H got through yesterday as H's mom has passed and he didn't spend any time with my mom. Admittedly, I care how he faired through the day, but am not going to reach out to ask. My heart broke him all day....and I know (without knowing) that he felt my loss.

Very eye opening to hear your response: Is he really? A true friend. Though thick and thin. Really?

I have let myself believe that he's wonderful as I focus on the 10% of the life he comes around. Wow! TY for stating the obvious that clearly wasn't so obvious. While it made me cry, it also opened my eyes. You're right. H [censored] right now and I've allowed him to come and go as he pleases. Need to give this a lot of thought and thing about how I can demand respect. This stuff is so tough and not intuitive. I am really struggling.

I've heard, "lots of folks can/will hover just inches above rock bottom, for a long long time." but didn't really understand. But, if I apply it to current state, it's very possible that I've actually allowed him to hover by answering to his check-ins and weekly appts/visits. If this is what we mean by that concept, I need to make some adjustments. What other examples would highlight this concept?

Even if I pull appts away, there's still the house he's abandoned and needs carrying for. H is very handy and took care of many tasks and things that broke/stopped working. Things need attention at the house and haven't been tended to - it's been 8 months. Do I just start writing checks for things to be serviced instead of calling him over? To date, I've just asked him to care for this or that on days he took me to appts - no specific calls/texts for house repairs. Assuming, that chapter is over and I don't use him for appts, what do I do about house repairs, etc.? After all, this is still his house too.