Just about done

[Boat14]

I haven't came here and posted in awhile because the board is nothing like it use to be but I popped in and saw your post and thought I would give you my thoughts on what I have learned.

Has anyone ever considered how big of a roll personality disorders play in these situations.

This is a typical response from a LBS. If a LBS diagnosis the WS with a disorder, MLC etc. it makes them less liable for the breakdown of the marriage which makes it easier cope.

Like all of the stories seem the same here, build up a good life, everything seems fine for a while, hit a rough patch in the relationship and the person bails for reasons that don't seem logical or worthy of breaking up a marriage and family.

You see the thing is because you don't want the D no answer would satisfy you. The simple answer is she lost respect, attraction and desire for you. She doesn't want to live her remaining years with someone she doesn't respect and desire.

Is it just possible that we are all empathetic people dealing with Cluster B personality disordered spouses?

Possible but highly unlikely.

Is it just maybe possible while the DB strategy is great, working on yourself is great and improves ones own life, but if you are dealing with someone who sees the world in a self driven identity and perception of the world and relationships that maybe we are fighting against something that is changing us to be something for someone.

You should never change for anyone. Your goal is to become the best person you can possibly be and that will attract the right people to you.

While we are forgetting that we deserve happiness, respect, affection and compassion.

100%. You will know you have reached your destination when you get to a point where you will not settle for less.

Like at what point do we stop bending over backwards and dedicating our lives to someone who doesn't share the same values as us and lives their life with one goal and one sole purpose - to use others for their own personal gain without adequate compromise and selflessness.

That point should have started at bomb drop.

Like all of these stories seem like we are dealing with either Bipolar or Narcissistic Personalities and we are trying to force someone to be something they cannot be, a personality disorder makes someone who they are this way for life, while we can conform and contort to please them, they dont see reality as we do - with empathy and kindness.

You should never try to force anyone to be something they are not. If you do this than you have plenty to work on in the near future.

Could it just be that they try to conform to what they've been taught and what they see as being normal and approved by society, but they are really not being themselves and pretending to be someone they are not, and eventually they get tired of faking the characteristics that make us good human beings, and they give up and do what they feel and what they want to make themselves happy.

Your STBX wants to feel loved and desired like most human beings do and for whatever reason she was not feeling that with you. I am not necessarily saying that this is all your fault I am just trying to get you to see reality.

I think sometimes we are not meant to be with people who dont love us as we deserve to be loved.

100%. You will truly understand this even better once you heal, move forward and find it in the future. It takes time but you eventually get there if you are open to it.