Grief and Gratitude, Grok

[grok]

Thanks for the words of support DnJ, R2C, Cat,

I’m learning to be more settled living in the present. To not worry about future implications too much or the parts of a future that I don’t control.

I had several people ask me this week, “what are you going to do? Are you going to date? What is the timeline? When will the judgement be? Ect…?”

My answer was, “I don’t know. I’m not worried about it. Any D will come when/if she files. I believe she will. I’m living my life today. Minus the drama of W’s decisions (my new definition: drama = emotional violence) my children and I have a pretty good life really. Any other relationship will come if / when it happens. I won’t seek or worry about the things I don't need to address right now. ”

Contrasts….

When W comes over to see kids right now it is often in short bursts. Over the last two months they have been getting shorter. Happy giggles and so forth as D17 and S12 mess around with her. Cute instagram selfie of S12 and W happy faces posted this morning. All is happy, see! Look close and they are in her vehicle. Those FB posts presenting happy normal life.

Her claimed plan a the mediation was to spend 6hrs/day weekdays in the home while I am at work. Also unrestricted days at her place. More typical now was yesterday. I checked the house cams. She took D17 to gymnastics, came back by for 5 minutes with S12 (he wanted her to stay, she said something about have to go back to her RV right now), came over at 10:10p for goodnight hugs. She had been coming in the house ~9-9:30p for 30 to 60 minutes.

Now? Almost always after 10p when lights are mostly out and kids brushing their teeth. Since it is disruptive to evening routines and dogs to come in that late, she stays in her car and texts “anyone want hugs?” The kids go out to her at the curb and take 30 seconds for D19, 5 to 20 minutes for D17 and S12. I have not indicated any limits on their timing with her.

Left unspoken is why does she not come earlier and come in when it is not disruptive to bedtimes. Unspoken is why she does not take them to her place for visits.

D19, “What is she even doing all day? She doesn’t have a job. That would drive me nuts. There is no reason she has to come that late when I’m tired and want to sleep.”
G, “I don’t know anymore D19. She has her own issues and plans.”

Speculation - she is waiting for the agreed 18 months of alimony and 50/50 asset split. Not so sure on her budgeting skills. Car and health insurance will be hers to pay at that point. Done right that will eat a substantial fraction. W made comments to the effect that she’ll just do without health coverage for a bit.

Ack. Continue to restrain/give her to God with my fixit stress.

Distant Early Warning - Rush

An ill wind comes arising

…

Red alert, Red alert
It’s so hard to stay together

…

The world weighs on my shoulders

But what am I to do?

You sometimes drive me crazy
—
But I worry about you



I know it makes on difference

To what you’re going through

But I see the tip of the iceberg
—
And I worry about you…

D17 teaching

I’ve wondered about the homeschooling bit with W not present many days now. I’m keeping an eye on it. It is summer break for the schooling co-op program. More has to be done than that program provides alone though. The other day on a 1 hr day visit, W gave D17 instructions on daily schooling for S12 to do right now. Hmmm…. D17 has been following through with him. She said, “Daddy, I was bored during the day right now so I asked Mommy if I could teach him.”

How much is D17 seeing a gap and filling in for parents? I don’t know. It is good for D17 and S12 and disturbs me at the same time.

Morning humor, thinking of TSquared2’s garden.

In our tiny urban back yard, D17 has been working on a garden of sorts. I’ve helped her set up various pots, containers, etc where she has planted a variety of stuff. Middling successes over the last few years. It’s harder than Youtube makes it seem and she has found out. I let her succeed and fail as learning.

I helped her make the “soil” and set up a set of fabric planters outside the back porch door a year or two ago. Now, one of the little dogs has decided these are the perfect place to dig a little nest and sleep in the sun. Aggravates D17, so I told her this morning we could section off a part of the yard with remaining chicken wire. This morning was a change up though and we will have to do it sooner than later… Big dog, like many, does not take into account their size differences. He decided he should follow the example of the little dog….

75 lbs vs 15 lbs dog in a 3 foot wide fabric planter. I had to laugh, then shoo them out. The contrast though! Such a dumb and smart dog. D17 squawk’d. LOL

Coda

The LRT should be a win/win situation.

You either get back a partner that wants to be back with you, or you lose a burden in your life.

It's a tuff choice at times.

Freeedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...amp;Main=2799&Number=55814#Post55814 (Purged I think)

The flip from W as partner to burden is difficult to accept or comprehend. It is unsettling to realize I feel better when her drama and expenses are not mine to share. She was supposed to be closer than a brother. Did I put too much on another human being?

Closer than a Brother - Josh Garrels
(Proverbs 18:24)

Fell on dark days
Scared to lose
I cry for You
In Your arms, Lord
Carry me through
I won't go without You

O Lord, You're closer than a brother
A friend that I can fall on


Working from home today, so right now we are off to the store with D17 and S12 at their request. Oh, um, what happened to shorter posts as I think of coherent sections?

g