DnJ Appreciate you weighing in about not asking H. I certainly don’t want to pressure him nor rush him. As I’ve said, sometimes I struggle with translating advice given here into real life scenarios. TY
I wanted to clarify an important detail related to your comment: “ You know there was previous abuse in the family and they covered it up. The family’s actions and behaviours is very likely the root of H’s trauma. He was directly abused or was exposed/heard about stuff and had no one to speak with or report it to.”. I am aware of the family members abuse, but H is not. While it’s possible some family is also aware in pockets and hid it, I doubt it based on the details and how I learned. I was confided in and he has no idea that this abuse happened. And since I last wrote, I learned, that H was not born yet when the abuse happened by this non-family member. It’s unlikely from my view that this was the source of trauma for my H.
at some point, I will exhaust myself and will no longer try to seek and understanding. Dropping the rope is becoming easier. As I reflect over the last month, I can feel myself getting exhausted and wondering what I’ve gained over the last six months by trying to understand. Sometimes it feels like I’m giving up and perhaps that’s why I keep holding on and trying. But, as you said, I could be a lighthouse and stand for my marriage. I’ll just have to figure out how to do that.
I’m going to give some more thought to both your response and patties. Feeling a bit defeated and exhausted.
