What can I do differently?

[Pattnee5]

I strongly believe in “ believe nothing they say and only half of what they do.” They become masters at lying. It’s the mask they wear. And because we know the real H and have so much trust in them we believe their words. Just be prepared there may be more to the story than you know. There always is. The truth does come out eventually
I would also suggest you don’t snoop. If you are meant to know something it will unravel and come to light in some way. I didn’t go snooping at all it fell in my lap.
My only other advice is to take the focus completely off him. Focus on you. Forget what he is doing in the world. What he says, where he goes, whether he has dinner or not. Don’t instigate any talks that are heavy let him open up when he’s ready. Just really leave him be. I wished I left my H alone more. I certainly wouldn’t be letting him cake eat too. He seems to be all confused and up and down so common and so similar. Sometimes they don’t have to say a thing and you can just sense and feel the anger. It’s not a matter of deciding to stand or walk right now. You will know in your heart if you want to walk. Right now focus on complete detachment. Drop that rope completely. You can still be the lighthouse and still stand for your marriage that way and still live. It never felt right for me to walk away find another partner etc etc. I still feel H may have it in him to get himself through the tunnel. I’ve done a pretty good job of detaching and just being the lighthouse. How I’ll feel when the ship returns from the crazy MLc I don’t know. What I do know is my life isn’t on hold for while he’s wallowing in his mess his depression his withdrawal, I’m kicking ass at being the best mother there is, building amazing memories and fun times with my kids, friends, family. That’s what it’s about. Drop the rope and live your life. Let’s see if H comes back in your orbit in the future