I honestly don't know much about his whereabouts because I would not handle snooping well. Simple stuff would have me spinning and I needed to be talked off my ledge. For instance, I learned he bought firewood for the wood burning fireplace so he spent less on oil heat. I'd be upset because we have firewood that he could come get instead of dropping top dollar at a grocery store and then complain that he doesn't have money to eat. Easier to not know. Another example is knowing that he was stopping at a package store more frequently than his norm. That's how I learned he started drinking and I would get nervous as to where it would lead. H tends to confess tho - H openly told me that he has a drink every night. I reacted with surprise and said, "I'm not concerned that you don't have it under control but it's odd that you're drinking daily now even if its one drink." H would confirm, it's only one after work and...he stopped to think...I didn't have one two nights ago. I quickly responded with "Ya know you had to think about if you went a night without a drink." and then I followed my comment up with, "I know without any thought that from say....Jan 15 2005 to Feb 15 2005, you had zero drinks because you didn't drink unless we had a social event." H affirmed my thought and went off into his la-la land. Don't know what happened in that brain after that.
DnJ's comment about potential sexual abuse in his childhood has me thinking and I plan to ask him straight out at some point when the time is right. H has a good memory about his childhood - doens't seem to be gapped in years or moments. But, I've not narrowed it out. I know with certainty that his uncle 10 years his senior was abused by a family member's neighbor. Can't help but wonder if H was too and perhaps covered up by family. Unless someone guides me otherwise, I will ask H if he was abused.
