What a story! What a life! It really is hard and hard to believe. I am so sorry about the length of monstering you endured. I feel lucky that my situation experienced less of it.
H's first BD in Feb 2023 was followe by several GREAT months where we talked and vacationed and loved each other deeper and NO weed. That is, until he celebrated 4/20. At the time, I saw addiction as the issue but with each passing month from June to BD#2 in Sept 2023, there was definitely visible sadness that moved to anxiety, arguments, distancing, late nights with the guys, etc. BD#2 introduced the monster and request for space - confusion for me. It was a quick shift and a self-proclaimed wall around his heart that he wasn't going to let me break down. H had enough of my controlling and wanted a D. From Nov on, monstering was minimal and I was his PA until he moved out in Dec. H tried to place calls/texts and even share dinners (H would come over) in Jan, Feb, Mar but I could see it wasn't easy for him. H really tried though and I showed compassion and gratitude for his efforts. Then I learned about MLC but have continued to stay connected with H. H doesn't monster. The most visible thing is the running after so many hours together and ghosting me in between visits. After reading through DnJ's explanation of EA and PA today, I know he is having an EA (didn't understand until today). H admitted to EA in Feb and I told him at one point that he should feel strange after EA and not after me. This made him uncomfortable and such moments have dwindled. H was/is not totally comfortable but I thought I could keep affairs out of the pic this way. Not sure whether to continue or to start some snooping to confirm PA or no PA. Maybe I'll get the internal strength to snoop a bit....as I certainly don't need any shared diseases.

I'm still hoping this is a horrible transition - wish I could confirm this. Knowing that your H behaved last year like mine is this year makes me think he could start monstering again and it really is MLC.

Thank you for sharing your story, knowledge, experiences, recommendations. I don't like that you're in this predicament but hearing others stories really does help confirm this craziness exists and somehow we're the LBSes having to decide to stand or walk. I am tempted to walk, but am then reminded about how much I love and can't give up on H.

Hugs to you and many thanks. If you think of anything more to share, I'm all ears.