Grief and Gratitude, Grok

[grok]

Musings on self time.

With everything else going on...

Try to find some time for just you today....

I got this same direction from my sister today. I gave her a facetime call while going on a mountain bike ride...not that there is any mountains in my state...LOL. There are local volunteer maintained trails in my area where there was surface mining long ago. Now there is heavy vegetation and single track trails. 13.26 miles averaging 9.3 mph today. A little slower because I spent the first half on that facetime call. Steaming my view of the trail flashing by to her in their NZ home.

I told her I have ... calibrated? amounts time for myself. The kids want my attention endlessly and they are a priority. I try to spend some individual time each and some group activities each week. They seem to hold no unhappiness about me saying "No, I'm going out to do X now." "OK Dad, have fun." I take time for bike rides. I take Tuesday evenings to go to trivia night at the local brewery. I try to read a lot.

D19 said, "What are you going to do next Dad?" I don't know, maybe I should try learning piano. The one sitting in my house hasn't been used in years.

Lessons from D19 in attraction

Off to the store Sunday afternoon to pick up supplies for the week. Sam's Club this time and D19 volunteered to go with me when D17 and S12 didn't want to go. I always stop by the clothing section since the prices are good. D19 cackles with glee when I say I need to find more decent shirts for work.

D19, "Oooooo, I get to pick!"
G, "OK, D19, settle down. I still have to look professional."

I pick up a blue shirt, a good color for me, and get "Boooring. Try this one." And she selects a purple button up shirt with little white leaf pattern. I don't think I've ever considered purple my color. It is a good looking shirt. She holds it up to my arm and face while nodding enthusiastically. In the basket it goes. Next we go around to the swim trunks. She skips over the plain colors and grabs one with bright wide stripes.

D19, "This one Dad. It's fun and you'll look good in it."
G, "So D19, what you are saying is "Don't be boring"? "
D19, "Yep"

TSquared2 Cont...

BD #3
Her whole body is telling her that she is done with us, as much as it hurts her. She HAS to do this.

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2342684#Post2342684

"G, I HAVE to burn it all down to the ground and start over."

They are driven and oh so certain. I wanted to cry out, "But I'm INSIDE what you are burning down!" Instead, I STFU and just listened. And turned to ash as the me that was, burned alive.

Seems her new girlfriends are supportive from what she said.

"G, I talked to T and to S and ... They all agreed about you. They weren't so sure about OM though."

Yes, though in my case it is not new friends. It was divorced friends of hers. I don't believe she has any older solidly married ladies as friends to talk to. No advisors on that end of the spectrum. Perhaps ladies can fill me in here. It seems to also be an aspect of female group think. i.e. follow the herd tendencies. Or/and? is this an aspect of female competition where advice is given that brings the competition down? I've seen both talked about in discussions on female dynamics.

The things they say

At DB1... "G, my friends said the basic form is easy. We could go down to the court next week or the week after. I mean, I heard guys need release by the end of two weeks."

Three children, 20 years of multiple investment strategies, a house and a rental house in another state, auto loans, and ... next week?
Also, guys and two weeks? W has and undergraduate degree in biology.

g