Well just a quick check in-journal entry. I messed up this weekend a bit. Not the worst But still. I guess I could use a 2x4 to the head. I have been under an extreme amount of work stress and still recovering from surgery so i was on edge and just tired of the constant digs of any little wrong or non perfect move I make and I let loos a little on my H.
It was my sons sleep-over party for his birthday and all the stuff that has been piled up in the dining room that my H literally took the week off to do was still there the morning of. a Christmas tree (since January) a taken apart bunk bed and a dresser that all needed to go outside and a taken apart dining table that needed to be put back together. and lets not forget his side of the sink of his nasty lunch dishes and pans that have been there for three weeks that make the whole hose stink. ( I ended up breaking and doing the last set that were there for 4 weeks because I was sick of it. to which he walks in and says "I was going to get those" after he watched me do it all.).
But what was his focus that morning? The placement of an empty box that I but in the car port and how lazy I was for that. So yeah my attitude followed that. I didn't yell but definitely through some truth darts. to which I got his go to flipping me off with waving fingers and the nice screaming F you to H@!!. He left for the gym and I got all the stuff taken outside by myself and on the carport and table put together. (I am paying for that in pain because I am not supposed to be lifting but it needed to get out for the party so it was better to just get it done than ask him.
We also got on the subject of him still being in contact with his ap. (I know, I know)
I told him after him that he wants me to be a complete wife with him not being an appropriate husband. and sent him I clear txt saying that my loving him does not mean that I will have unconditional acceptance for his inappropriate behavior.
He did try after that to come in and smooth things over by offering to wax the windshield on my car. He always tries to do some small little act of service to just get things back to normal.
I see progress and he is nowhere near withdrawn as he was and is making future plans for us as a family so i know he is moving along a bit. Also I do believe his ap is causing a lot of drama so of course I catch the stress that causes him. I am just tired and it boiled over a bit. I am dusting off and getting back to what I should. I hate that i let go. it is odd though it seems like he gets stuck and complacent and then when we have a blow up it seems to move him along a little more. He has always been one that gets very complacent and wont make changes till it effects him.
Sorry for the rant. I commend anyone who stays through all of this. I know we have a long way left to go. now off to do better this week.
