Thank you for your response. I get the sense that he has been very lonely and outings with me is literally 90% of what gets him out of any depressing moods. This alone makes me want to tell H that I was canceling breakfast and R talks for Sunday.....and would reinforce to H lonely he would be on Sunday after several other lonely days without me. However, I also am strong enough to go to breakfast where he doesn't feel any pressure and is able to genuinely enjoy some laughs with me...and then be comfortable with no R talk if he's not up to it. And, so I kept the plans.
I did give it a lot of thought to your suggestion so I appreciate you for saying it. Please know you didn't fall on deaf ears.
After breakfast, we came 'home' and he asked to play cards (avoiding R talks and I went right along with it as I was prepared for this - TY). We shared many laughs - par for our course. After some time, he said that he didn't want to talk today. I calmly responded with, 'That's ok. I'm here when you're ready. There was relief but he wasn't surprised that I was ok with it bc he trusts that I won't pressure him. PHEW. I asked H if he was ready for me to help him find a therapist who could make it easier for him to share and talk through things. Looked like he pondered the idea with a delay in response and said, "Not yet but I've been really thinking about it." Is this escaping and avoiding too? Did he really want to R talk but didn't know what to say? Afterall, if H didn't want to talk, he could've dropped me off and just left without coming in at all.
I agree that he needs to miss me. Several months ago, I was keenly aware that H blamed me for his unhappiness. It was clearly my fault that he was needing a divorce. But based on where he is today, I am struggling to agree with "blames you for his unhappiness". There may be some of that but he's admitted that he has bad days that aren't because of me. Thoughts?
