So just a general question which can garner probably a simple or complex answer. Throughout the last few months as the process of separation has moved forward and home sale as well, she has gently tried to open up to me and incould sense she was doing this with caution as she was likely getting a temperature check on how I was reacting. Mind you while she did this I would check her messaging dialogues to see where her head was at and if she was carrying on with the same behaviours with OM. I tried being courteous and subtly reminding her that happiness is something that we find within ourselves and looking for it in external sources is not a solution nor does it bring us closer to happiness in the first place. One recurring thing in these conversations was always her suggestion that we somehow remain friends after this is done. Every time I made it abundantly clear that I cannot be friends with the woman that I loved for more than half my life while she's in serious relationships with other men. I do not want to be her shoulder to cry on about the results of her poor choices and bad coping strategy.
A small part of me wants to leave the door open in the future for that being a possibility but only if I see dramatic change and purposeful betterment of herself. I don't want to straddle this fence too haphazardly. For anyone whos gone to the stage of divorce what has been the most effective approach. Mind you we do not have kids together so there is no need for any further communication. For me its less about knowing how her life choices are going and more to make sure she is ok and not completely destroyed. I believe in karma but it is not something i desire on her, i did towards OM3 because he tried sabotaging reconciliation and he ended up getting a healthy serving of it. This concern for her remains mostly because of the 8 grueling years of failed IVF and coming to the conclusion she couldnt be a mother and I think that coupled with turning 40 created a perfect storm for her having a full blown crisis of which she is coping in the worst way possible.
In terms of healing I feel it is best that at least until I get grounded in Europe once I leave here I should not communicate with her in anyway as me focusing on my new job and reconnecting with family will be a much needed change for me first. I do have a sense that for the last year and a half reality has yet to fully hit her in the face and although I've pushed to move things forward and warned her last year the next flight I take will be one way, it seems by her behaviour she never saw this as a legitimate possibility, likely because she's also living in a blind fog of infatuation from om3 to OM . When I actually am gone, house is officially no longer ours, and legal separation documents are signed and finalized I have a strong sense she will feel the reality of everything being over and losing me forever and I suspect a nervous/mental breakdown is extremely possible. There is no way someone can delay coping with so many things happening simultaneously in the real world that they can hide or run anymore.
I feel like in a catch 22 as in i dont want her life to completely fall apart and even if being together is no longet a ppssibility i dont want her to come out of this destroyed for the rest of her life but i also dont want to expend unneccessary emotional energy when ill be likely still dealing with the emotional reality check that is uprooting my whole life, career, home, end of marriage
Her reaction to all of this could all be projection based on how i am feeling and how reality is starting to hit me of everything happening and maybe transposing my emotional state into her mindset is likely an impossible task, as i dont even think she knows where she is mentally outside of the infatuation fog.
