Anything attractive about your behavior when you were interacting with him? Anything you want to change?
It is like playing poker. Hold all your beliefs,thoughts,expectations,questions,emotions ect tight while interacting with him. He thinks he knows you. Right now, your goal is to prove him wrong.
And yes, by all means let out all the emotions when he is not around. Cry your heart out. Scream, yell, curse when it is safe.
Give yourself permission and go do something nice things for yourself this weekend. Do your nails, hair, new outfit....whatever helps you feel good about yourself. Dinner and movie alone is perfectly acceptable (and enjoyable).
HUGS
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712