It’s interesting how family alters as they leave the nest. Kids move away, find jobs, make lives, etc. Your boys are further dispersed than my children. Still, I find it takes a purposeful effort to schedule visits/trips to see them, and/or have them all around the table at special times. And the logistics of family gatherings is going to get more difficult with grandkids. I figure I’ll be doing more of the travelling then.
Originally Posted by Whatlee
I'm just so ready for this to be over
Originally Posted by Whatlee
I don't really have any hobbies, however I love sports. Hopefully I will b going to the beach a lot this summer.
I hear you. For a good while I too was so ready for my situation to just be over.
In time, focus shifts. Life and hobbies and such. And with that shift a present day history/past started to accumulate. Days, weeks, months. More and more time, and a new history is written.
We write that history, that immutable past, in the present. With every moment.
It takes purposeful effort to be in the moment. To GAL, to explore beyond one’s “old” comfortable. In time, one will and does accumulate their past. It is always happening. And one’s past does help define and steer one towards their future.
It takes time and effort. Once we accumulate more and more “newer and better” history, it is easier and easier to be in the present moment. Which writes that new and better past.
It is difficult. Grief and depression do not foster feelings or enthusiasm for getting out there and living and loving life. Be gentle on yourself, yet do push to do things. Each investment in to yourself - like a trip to the beach - accumulates. And all those deposits keep earning interest.
Keeping to a good thought out path and acting in such a manner that serves you and who you are or wish to be, keeps stead forward progress. Basically, more positive investments/interest and less negative. All within your control: thoughts and actions. Which can and does influence one’s emotions and therefore acceptance.
Looking back, it’s funny how “over” I am. And believe me, I didn’t feel it when slogging through it. I can see how I got here, and remember how occluded it was at the time. That’s life, one’s past is the path travelled. One just has to turn and they can see it laid out. Like stones laid down, each step, each turn, each avoiding/overcoming of obstacles, each hill and valley. The future is not so.
In my metaphorical imagination my path is smooth gray stones. Each one mostly uniform with rounded corners, though not circular. Like footprints, the stones are staggered and the path is two stones wide. My present location, my path is in a forest. There is plenty of space with little undergrowth, and the path curves around the large trees. The sun beams through the canopy above and browns and greens are lit up in the mottled yellow patchwork of light.
Looking forward, there are trees and beauty in all directions. There is plenty of room around all the trees and the ground is soft pleasant dirt/grass. I can easily continue placing stones in any direction it seems. I’ve no particular obstacles I need to go around or avoid, and no particular destination or direction I place the next stone.
My future, the next stone, is mostly an extension of what has come before. I’ve accumulated enough of my new and better path, that even staring backwards, I have difficultly seeing/feeling the old and painful times. Present day decisions are made without any involvement of BD and my “old” situation.
I’m still divorced, and single, and XW is still with OM, and she has basically nothing to do with the kids, and I’m over my situation.
In my situation, nothing has changed, and everything has. That’s the gift of acceptance.
Do go to the beach, within the next four days. You don’t have to swim, if it is too cold. Just go and walk in the sand. Purposeful effort. Craft your wonderful present and past. Take control. Lay down a stone with purpose. It will shift your heading and future.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
