While continuing to read through T2's threads, this resonated. My W hasn't gone for the crazy spew for she is too smart and introspective on her own. The dissonance and conflict within does generate warped thinking and feeling though. With detachment now I can more clearly see it. To me, the warping was too subtle to see at first when delivered by the person I trusted most in the world.
Originally Posted by Kimmerz
But this time around, I was able to read that without taking it personally and looking at it objectively, as if maybe it were a friend asking me to read this from her WAS/MLCer. This time what I saw was someone taking absolutely no responsibility for their issues or emotions. Someone playing the complete victum. It was almost as if he were in complete denial of his very own life that he chose to partake in. Also in complete denial of how he sabatoged many things, yet pointed the finger at me.
W, "G, you know I never went looking for this." Because I wasn't the initiator, I'm justified accepting OM's attentions.
W, "I can't go back! I have to burn it all down to the ground so I can move forward." My current feelings for OM override values and principles I have lived by. I can see no other path than follow my feelings.
W, "I know I never thew a fit or stomped my feet but...." I just let my resentment build.
W, "G, how long did you expect me to wait?" I'm a passive victim waiting for you to be who I wanted you to be.
W, "I had to do EVERYTHING" I believe all my chosen life / lifestyle choices were yours to do also.
Negative sentiment override. I have the messages where she praises me for taking care of "everything" while she pursues chosen career and outside the home activities for years.
I asked my sister #2 about that last one for a reality check and described what "everything" included. This sister is perfectly willing to 2X4 me over my head. Was I really that bad? Sister, "but G, every one of those things were life and careeer choices SHE CHOSE! Now she is unhappy with the result of her own choices. And she is repeating those same patterns now..."
W, "There wasn't US time. We didn't go out and do things together." You are responsible for US not making time for ourselves.
As W kept the family social and kids schedule. She booked activities for her and kids 6+ days a week. When asked about which thing(s) to give up to make time...I never got an answer. Me? Well, I should have just overridden instead of asked and waited. I had been trying to give respect in our agreed domains.
W, "No one will understand. I'll always be the villian."
g
H:55 XW:50 D19, D18, S13 ILYBINILWY 3/23 DB1 4/23, rescinded 5/23, DB2 6/23 ("I can't do this, I Love HIM") Legal Mediation 1-5 & W leaves 8/23 – 3/24 Settlement 5/24, Court 9/11/24 <-, D 9/16/24
