Utilize the 24-48 hour rule for communication with STBXW.
Give yourself 24-48 hours before responding to her. This allows your emotions to settle and for you to respond more from rational logic and reason rather than stirred up feelings.
That is, if you respond.
24-48 hours, also gives you time to think and decide if you need to, or should, respond.
Remember, time and space. Give her what she asked for. What she demanded.
Time and space, allows her other feelings and life’s struggles to affect her. Other feelings which are more productive to a possible reconciliation.
Of course, the big reason for this strategy and path is you. You are the most important person in this equation. Give yourself 24-48 hours - because you deserve it! You deserve and are worthy of rational logical thoughtful forward movement. Do not deny yourself this.
Going down memory lane is very common. Minutes quickly turn into hours whilst looking at old photographs or reading old love letter/emails/texts. It is easy to get lost wandering down memory lane.
Most times, especially in the beginning, stop! Picture that big reg stop sign! Do something else! Go for a run, a walk, hit a punching bag, mow the grass, wash the windows, etc.
Focus on you. Get a life. Live your life. Love your life. (I know, crazy hard right now. You will get there.)
W’s problems with starting her lawn mower are not your’s to fix. She fired you as husband.
Also, she is keeping you attached. Sitting on a shelf. And she might not even realize or recognize she is doing so. 24-48 hours helps with that too. You aren’t Plan B. You are the prize. Live like it!
Some direct advice/suggestions: Do not contact her in an attempt to change her mind. She has to come to that herself.
Your need/idea of getting rejected again, to see her again, that angry emotional person again - little good will come from that.
aph, you are figuring this out. Rationalizing what has happened and W’s behaviours. That is a daunting and difficult task when one’s spouse has/is behaving non-rationally and driven by emotions. Your efforts towards rationalizing is healthy forward progress.
Intellectual understanding leads to compassion and emotional understanding. Which leads to acceptance and forgiveness.
A big component that goes along with all that is your inner work. Compassionate, kind, cordial, detached, GAL, focused on you and what you can control, and so on - all goes hand in hand with rationalizing one’s situation. Know thyself is first and foremost. And truth be told, is what rationalizing and understanding one’s situation is really about. Understanding thyself.
24-48 hours. Give yourself that gift. Allow yourself to respond if you choose to, rather than react.
Originally Posted by aphexx13
I believed in us 100% and i trusted her 100% when she told me over and over again that we would grow old together.
I understand and empathize.
Betrayal is a horrible thing. One of, if not the worst thing one can do to another person.
Betrayal cuts deep. Really deep.
Dig deeper aph. Dig deeper than your pain. Find you. Find your strength and convictions.
Stay strong buddy.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
