In need of some kind words, truth, advice or support i can get. ive been really struggling with my divorce. my wife turned in the divorce papers so in 31 days i will be officially divorced. i moved out 17 days ago and the normal grief process is very fresh.
ive gone from excited to depressed. i go from relieved to near panic. feeling like there is hope to hopeless that i will find someone that treats me how i should be treated. logically i see the big picture that i deserved better and i really tried to keep my marriage healthy but my wife refused to communicate or even try to work with me. I carried the relationship and i did the best i could but i still feel like i failed and at times i try to blame myself.
I see all the flags that i missed and know that im not totally at fault. Reality hit me like a truck tonight that its real and im alone. i miss the person i met and fell in love with and married. i miss the family we had even though we were a blended family me and my daughter and my wifes kids meshed so well. the only one that was out of sync was my wife.
Im trying to stay busy and get a life but my energy is all over the place. im on long term disability so i have lots of time. im going to counseling every week, im going to have lunch with my daughter twice a week and i see her every other weekend. I go to see my son and my mom twice a week. i only have 1 friend left from my circle of friends pre marriage. Im trying to find things to do with others like meet ups but everything is virtual or to far away. Im fine being by myself but I feel so lonely.
It just doesnt feel real right now. I want things back the way they were but i know it was bad for me. Its silly to want to go back and change history but i wish i could go back and fix things.
