Add in the over the top flattery and attention from OM just as she is reaching the big 50 and feeling the effects of age. I’ve talked to at least three other women who have said that age is very tough for women. They described desperately wanting to feel desirable again. Last year W said to me, “I need someone who needs me and can’t live without me.”
I get the same impression about age. My W does not handle it well at all. Worries over every gray hair, gets it dyed as soon as the roots start to grow out. Had cosmetic surgery last year (breast lift/reduction and work on her "flabby" arms). Constantly obsessed about her weight and body image as well (bariatric patient, and I've read that being married to one considerably increases the likelihood of divorce. I wasn't aware of that before).
“I need someone who needs me and can’t live without me.” Realize that these are the words of someone who has a hard time finding happiness and that purpose they seek within themselves. They seek validation from others; otherwise they question their self-worth. They are feeling desperation. They will be vulnerable to affairs. It is better to feel one's worth inherently than to rely on others to reflect it.
Your W should realize that it is good to replace the word "need" with "want." And I think being someone who "can't live without" her is too big a burden to place on you or, for that matter, anyone. I am learning that I can live without W, even if it is not the path I wanted or chose. I would not want any partner of mine to think that they can't live without me. Enjoy what I can offer while I am here; then later dance on my grave (if I have one; I'm planning that my remains end up elsewhere).
Me 59 W 47 T 26 M 23 S18, S14 BD May 2023 D filed June 2023 OM1 confirmed: December 2023 OM2 confirmed: October 2023
