So just an update. I've been going hard on the GAL front and trying to fill my schedule as much as possible. Am much more physically active and feels great doing yoga now daily along with pre bedtime 45 minute intense ab workout, got a nice six pack going and feel great about it. Things are still difficult emotionally but not playing as much of a factor. I have not so much as checked chat log with her for a month now. Today she called me while I was driving home from nephews confirmation dinner, I accidentally answered phone via car not realizing it was her, she asks me about pension valuation paperwork, the same paperwork that I had sent into administrator 30 days ago and mediator told us could take 30-60 days. So she's basically too preoccupied in love bombing phase with new guy to do anything she should have done. Later on in the evening we get a better offer for the house. Which we spoke briefly about. As much as I tried to hold in the emotions, my voice broke while talking to her, before this she suggest we wait till fall to maybe get more money for it, I realized this would keep me in limbo longer, something she was OK with clearly because she sees physical separation as a free pass to continue on in this situation. I am not OK with this, so we ended up signing the agreement to sell the home. She suggested I don't need to leave the country because I had concerns over closing date as it was to close before we'd have separation agreement in place which would mean proceeds of sale would be held in trust by lawyers and would require I find a short term arrangement for myself. This problem was resolved as buyers were flexible with closing date and we agreed on end of June. So it seems the wheels are in motion and things are moving forward to a conclusion. Throughout phone conversation with her she kept saying I love this house. I said to her calmly it's only a house now and no longer a home. She said to me "I fell in love with the house the minute I saw it"
When I heard this I reminded her, "we" fell in love with the house, not sure why she said "i". I subtly reminded her that the home no longer has any meaning or value and I do not want any financial or legal ties to her, if any of these remained my dignity was being challenged and I want to begin living my life and I have a right to do so.
Despite these conversations it has been a really difficult wave of emotions hitting me head on but I feel it is something I must do and battle through, for my own sake and for the sake of the life I deserve to have going forward. Thanks to whomever is listening and once again I've gained so much valuable insight and wisdom from these forums that have helped me get through many of these moments.