Grief and Gratitude, Grok

[grok]

DnJ,

D17, and the other kids, will have anger and frustration towards mom. However, for a while, they will not be able to risk loosing Mom and therefore will not say too much to her. Kids unfairly lash out at the stable parent, until they get a better handle on themselves and their situation. It’s unfair and perfectly normal.

I"ve been thinking about this and I'm slowly connecting the D18 and D17 behaviors with these thoughts. S12 just doesn't know enough about the "why" and W's justifications. D18 knows by far the most. After initially announcing things to Ds, W stopped talking to Ds about anything related about six months in.

Some time back I talked to D18 and told her a little bit about W's relationship with OM as he is one of the bosses at her work. She is old enough to be on her own if she wished, car and license, has a full time job, and so was able to risk. She gave W a talking to on how "toxic" to everyone her EA with OM was. D18, I'm proud of her (Gratitude)-
"Dad, we know more than you think."
"She stopped telling us anything because she knows what I think"
After one of the blowups, "Dad, just give D17 hugs and hold her. I'll help her deal with mom. After all, mom taught me how to read people and deal with their emotional manipulation"

With all the relationship books I've been reading and two Ds, I've been attempting how to think and act when female emotions are slinging about from them (lashing out). Absorb, accept, and let it pass through. Don't take it as logical serious. Don't solve it. It is the "right now" feelings. Validate. Be safe to express it to. If it is about W (Grief), stick to "I know, I understand, and that is hard or sad or difficult."
*****
Gratitude for today's encouragement popping up in my playlist. I found this band last fall, well outside my normal listening habits. Then found they had a concert in town, so I took the kids to go see at a local venue. GAL and something I hadn't done in 15 years.

Connecting thoughts often expressed here - You will be OK and Live in the Light

Oh it's gonna be ok, with a little of faith
Oh it's gonna be ok, with a little bit of fate
Oh it's gonna be ok, with a little bit of grace
Oh it's gonna be ok, with a little bit of praise

Now your living, in the music
Now your laughing, with a new grin
You're so alive, alive (Running under rainbows)
Now your singing, what the truth is
Now your dancing, looking foolish
You found the light, the light

g