So Can yall tell me how bad I messed up or not? Sorry for the TMI.
H has been home for almost 7 months. he has been better but definitely still mlc withdrawal. two weeks ago I got the "I don think you ugly but I am not attracted to you right now". well a little over a month ago I did something for myself. He was angry about it but I went and got a tummy tuck and breast implants. nothing crazy just fixing myself up after three kids. We have always had separate finances so this wasn't impacting him at all. But he was still angry and said it was stupid. well two days after the "I am not attracted to you" comment he started hitting on me big time. constantly talking and asking about my surgery and how happy I was and looked good. this kept on getting more and more the last two weeks. Then on Sunday he Kept on making sexual jokes and making excuses to sit by me or have any contact. before this he would contort all over the place to avoided having any touch or anything close contact. Like I had lepercy it was so bad Well then he ask for a back rub! i did and kept it at that but he was definitely pushing but without actually making a move.We spent like two hors on his and then he offered me one. and the whole time he had his hand holding on to my leg softly. My head was spinning. Not how I thought my day would go at all. then when I said a little something about it he projected it all on my like this was all my idea for sex and that isnt what he was trying to do. (trust me there was not question) So at that time I luckily got a call to have to go pick up my daughter so it got me away to think about it for a bit. I dont want to be used but also dont want to shut off any toward movement from him. he has been helping around the house and being super kind over that last little bit of time. So later that night it all started again and I didnt stop it. He made sure and asked if I was sure I was ok with it which I appreciated. It was awkward because my mind was flashing with so many thoughts of good and bad. He sat on the edge of the bed clearly wanting to say something but stopped himself a few times. I didnt ask any questions. then he went to do other house stuff and went to bed in his bed and a little later I could here him sniffling like he was crying. So I dont know if he just felt guilty or what. But now the last two days he is back to really withdrawn again. Is this normal. I mean I know he is and will be in mlc for a while and am not taking it to personal (actually trying to twist it in my head that I was more using him for pleasure than letting myself feel used). I could tell the whole day that even thou His plan was clear to me he was scared to make the actual moves. I am just trying to keep on like I have been but didnt know if it was normal that they withdraw after coming a lot closer for a bit. Should I have said no? I am not sure of anything any more.
