Hey, T. Understandable that you'd be frustrated by your XW not adhering to your custody arrangement. As we say, accountability is their kryptonite, especially when a legal agreement is likely involved.
I appreciate you sharing your arrangement. If my D goes through, I am thinking about what is best for my D13. She seems to want to stay at both places and, to me, it is important that she do so. When my parents divorced, my father made me go to my mother's, even when I didn't want to. Now, it might have been as much for him to get a "break" as his belief that my feelings about my mom were fleeting and I needed to experience both parents. Either way, it helped me see more about both parents, understand how they were unlikely to have been incompatible in the long run, and appreciate the pros/cons of living with either. From that experience, I'd say kids see and hear more than we think. And, they apply it later in life in how they choose to relate to each parent.
Keep doing what is best for you and your kids. Have faith in that guiding principle. If their free will (or bad judgment) pulls them to your XW, so be it. You'll have done the best you could. And, I suspect they'll see that and respond accordingly.
