I'm Back! (6)

[grok]

Your rant started me thinking about my situation. Custody schedules feel offensive to me. More the very notion slams in your face a broken family. My W adopted a bunch of this verbiage from her divorced friends. Oh I understand the reasons. And the necessity in many situations. Perhaps yours is one of them. Consistency for children is so important.

My W started down that path some saying, “that way we can tell the kids and let the schedule be the bad guy.” If felt like a an excuse to avoid taking responsibility. She was avoiding having to say something like “D17, S12, I decided you are to stay with me these nights.”

Me…I feel a little unique and strange here. At least for now. I didn’t want to move mine from the only home they have every really known. D18 can make her own decisions, and isn’t planning on moving out any time soon. D17 is unlikely to ever want to move into any place W goes. This is her home. S12 is the only question in the future. Though, I don’t see that S12 would like it if his sisters were here on their own decision and he was forced to split time. The three siblings are a unit. In front of the mediator though we agreed to a notional schedule ... the mediator noted that despite what the paper said she saw we were going to adjust on the fly whatever we wanted to do.

For the most stability, W agreed they would stay with me in the home. The notional settlement just says they will stay with me since W doesn’t have a suitable place for kids. To keep it this way though, I have agreed that W can come to the home during my work hours on weekdays. Though it can be exhausting, I like having them fully. But I will not obstruct any time W wants to have them over and she believes me. So far she has not asked for them over.

The lawyer I consulted found this very rare. He said only once in 30 years has he seen this much focus been put on stability for the children. I didn’t tell him I wanted it just as much for me and at lest for now am willing to take the damage of W in the home.

We’ll see what she thinks in six months or a year. Or if she can achieve a “suitable place” for them to also reside.

We'll see what I feel about the daytime home sharing also.

g