Hi Friends! I haven't posted in a while and a lot has happened in the past 4 months, so I thought I would give an update and get some feedback from all the great people on here, who helped me tremendously in the early stages.
I took a lot of great advice from you all and managed to disconnect completely from my wife. I do not contact her ever and only respond to texts pertaining to the divorce filing. I have focused on work, exercising, and tried to get back into the dating scene. The good news is that I no longer care or think about my soon to be ex-wife. I have moved on (I think) and am okay with the divorce. The bad news is the main reason why.
I started using dating apps and matched with a woman who had also just gotten out of a long term relationship. She was in my area briefly and headed back home for the holidays, so we did not have time to meet in person initially. We texted / called every single day for the last four months and developed in a very strong connection. I finally flew to meet her last week and spent 3 days with her.
We had a great time together. She initiated physical touch, kissing and we ended up having sex multiple times throughout the weekend. She is an extremely compassionate and caring person and showed me more attention and affection in 3 days than I got in my 12 year marriage. She opened my eyes to a completely new dynamic, something I know I needed and craved for so long. Long story short, I got way too attached too quickly and started developing strong feelings for her. I know this is all because of my co-dependent ways and trying to fill a void in my heart.
Here's where it gets messy and I need some much needed life advice. Please keep in mind that I got married in my early 20's and am now in my mid 30's and hadn't had much dating experience prior to meeting my wife. We never truly discussed what we "were" or wanted from each other throughout the past four months. I told her last weekend in person that I cared about her a lot and wanted to know how she felt about this. She told me she liked me a lot and definitely cared about me a lot but wasn't ready for a relationship with anyone at the moment as she just got out of a relationship that "messed her up". She said that it was just bad timing.
She still initiated cuddling, making out and sex after we had that conversation. Our chemistry was very passionate and loving and not just purely physical, which really messed with me more. She is very busy with her career and trying to figure out where to move to next. She is an extremely independent person and totally fine with being on her own for a while. She also has a lot more dating experience than I have.
I am rambling but I feel like I invested so much time and energy in her over the last four months, and she emotionally helped me through so much, and I definitely thought we could ease into a relationship together. I feel like I am going through a second bout of heartache. I know this is all mostly my fault for not dealing with my emotions the right way and trying to replace something that is terribly missing in my life. She admittedly said that neither of us were ready to be in a relationship at this time and I think she is probably right.
She is still initiating conversations (texting) with me and while I have no doubt she truly cares about me, I am not sure where we stand moving forward other than being friends. I am finding myself in the same cycle as after my separation with my wife, which is to prepare for the worst but hope for the best. I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I am definitely hurting at the thought of not having something more with her. It is so difficult for me to find this level of comfort and trust with another person. Do I just give it time or simply move on for my sake?
