Grief and Gratitude, Grok

[grok]

Getting A Life – Just do it.

When getting the rollercoaster of bombs last year, it forced a hard look at myself. And eventually a hard look at her, but that is another story. I realized the truth of many of her complaints that came spilling out in the wake of OM's attentions. I had such belief and respect for W's judgements at the start that I took most things at face value. My self-worth plunged, I felt a failure, I had let a predator into my family, and I blamed myself.

YOU FEEL LIKE YOU FAILED in your role as protector, and now some PREDATOR has invaded your home, your family, your finances, your MARRIAGE, and yeah . . . there can be a lot of GUILT associated with that awful feeling

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2551052#Post2551052

But this is truth, no matter how much a WW praises OM

Men and women that would knowingly get involved with a married woman or man, and prey upon their emotional weaknesses, ARE predators!! In every sense of the word. mad

I detest them. Do not "make friends" with them, do not expect them to deal honorably with you (for they are, by definition, DIShonorable) and do NOT take what they tell you as TRUTH!

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2551069#Post2551069

I DID need to GAL, as I saw I had given up almost all the activities I once treasured. I had thought I was giving them up to satisfy the requirements of kids and spouse. Hmmmm... the advice is just get OUT! Away from WW. Preferably something you don't normally do and social. It will lead to things … and so it has!

GAL, GAL and more GAL...

GAL can be anything that you find absorbing, and which helps give your life structure and meaning. GAL can range from hobbies and jobs at home to Meetup groups and sporting activites. Some DBers are more extrovert, others more introvert. It's about finding what floats your boat, improves your day and helps build YOU back up again.

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2579130&page=1

So, I searched out the nearest local micro-brewery and drove right on over on a Friday evening after work. I sat outside people watching, feeling bad, then messaged a prior member of the work team I oversaw. He came over and we had brews, food, and conversation about the nature of love and relationships. While there I saw a group in yellow shirts for a “run club.” I thought “Great! I used to do a lot of long distance running.” When I looked it up, I had to laugh. The club would run/walk for 2 or 3 miles to justify sitting at the pub after for a while.

The next week I came ready to meet people and “run.” I went over to the table where the small group was gathered and introduced myself. I ended up talking to Fernando and his father down from the Northeast. They were not part of the run group but just knew some of the regulars. We connected over riding bikes and random guy talk, and he also said I should come back on Tuesday nights for “Trivia Night.” I never did go running with that group! But I did get back into biking, both on and off road.

I have ended up by Fernando’s invite going biking at night with lights through the City Downtown at night with “Critical Mass” group multiple times, and then...
- Mountain biking on my own on local trails,
- street riding others I met through Fernando and friends (Chris, Steve, Mike, Micah, Lucian, Jeannette, Chrystal X 2, and more) at the brew house,
- riding “Bikes & Beers” 36 miles and met more people,
- a local bike store grand opening ride for 37 miles,
- broke some spokes and after repair was done last week I looked at the time and had just enough to ride 12 miles single track trails through the woods
- Feels Good.

I also came back on a Tuesday night for what ever "Trivia Night" was to be. Fernando waved me over to the table his team occupied. I've been back most weeks since as this group has adopted me. LOL. This version of a trivia game has the bar handing out print outs which take about two hours to answer the topical questions anounced over the loud speakers. It is an all ages sort of place and about 15 teams compete each Tuesday with laughter and poking fun at each other. On some weeks, D18 and D17 will join me for an hour as D17's gymnastics is nearby. They do much better at naming modern music. I bribe the kids with a sandwich and craft soda.

To further get out of my comfort zone, this week I brought the trivia group a blueberry pie. Well, backing up, on Saturday I took S12 along with a friend and his son to go early season blueberry picking. We came home with two gallons of blueberries. Eat some, freeze some, and make pies with some of course. I made one pie on Tuesday evening after work to bring with me to the trivia group. One of the group sometimes works at the brewery and retrieved a knife from the kitchen to cut the pie. About 10 people got a slice including the two guys working the kitchen for the brewery. I think they were surprised and happy. Feels Good. Oh, and that night's special, homemade pot-roast sandwich, from the kitchen was delicious.

Old favorite long put aside - biking, baking. Out of my comfort zone - socializing new people, trivia, brew pub.

Gratitude for my father who sent me one of his expensive carbon fiber mountain bikes.
Gratitude to Fernando and co. who welcomed a stranger.

g