H EW possibly DBing and I’m losing the battle

[KangaB]

Hi DnJ,

I’m going to back re-read what you’ve wrote and thank you for replying. It’s now been 16 days since I’ve seen H. I’ve done some terrible begging and pleading in the last few days and have contacted our local Pastor who helped us and another counsellor who is helping us. I have reacted to everything he is throwing at me. I’m actually wondering if he has undiagnosed, untreated Bipolar? Looking back on our relationship, there is a pattern, the same one that has just played out again. I was looking back through my diaries and usually H picks a fight and it could be that he doesn’t like what I’m wearing or in the last instance, I turned away from showing a photo to him for 3 seconds. H stormed off and he left the house. My boundary was that he wasn’t allowed back in until he apologised which he didn’t, he just went home. Since then, (following from my last post), H has been in contact with XW a few times, one time he told me about and the other I checked the phone records. I know, I know!!! I did politely ask him about his calls and he refused to tell me only that it was about their daughter and that he would tell me another time. He has never done that before. I reacted so badly and took the bait. Through text messages I explained to him why I was upset, that he had promised to be transparent to the counsellor as I was to trust him. H also told both counsellor that I had kicked him out of the house. H is lying, gaslighting, stonewalling—it’s awful!!! I’m sure there is a pattern of Bipolar. H becomes irritable, extremely energetic, flirtatious, pushes me away, spends money like it’s out of fashion, reconnects with XW and then depression hits and he is remorseful for everything. You couldn’t meet a nicer man when he is remorseful.

I’m so upset with myself for not doing the things I need to be doing with my 180’s and DBing. I was really thrown by this latest behaviour because we had lived together for 3 months and it was the best time. I have reacted so badly. He hasn’t made any effort to communicate only that I need to apologise to him for vile and spit he calls it, that I made about him and is XW communicating. The bottom line is that H has pushed me away again and his XW has something to do with it.

DnJ… to answer about the house situation. I own my house and land. XW is still on the title and mortgage of his. We all want that to change. XW claims she hates his house and wants nothing to do with it, other than barging in whenever she wants to. And to clarify SD was staying the weekend which is why XW barged in. She wouldn’t do that if the kids weren’t at H’s place.

I just can’t believe, I have begged and pleaded for him to contact me and to reconnect when he is being such an arse. I did actually apologise for keeping him out of the house when he was being so nasty. He in fact left the house and then wanted to come back in at 2am and demanded to be let in because he had no gas to get home. He was so rude, I just couldn’t let him in and he was angry.

Our plan since I thought we might have been piecing (how naive of me), is to sell the house and H moves across to me as a form of semi-retirement for him. However, I did notice that the plans on his side were wavering, where he was unsure about coming across and living with me, only a few weeks before him picking a fight.

As I said, I will re-read what DnJ has written. Sage advice. I’m extremely sad and lost. It’s coming up Easter and we have always spent Easter together for 9 years. I just can’t believe I’m here again not having a M and feeling like I’m up against XW.

Does anyone have any thoughts about Bipolar and M problems like this. Does it make any difference to course of action when it comes to doing 180’s and DBing?

Kanga