Sorry for repetitive posts, just trying to get out all the inner turmoil. So today we had a long 1.5 hr mediator session putting together all of our financial disclosures. It's pretty much wrapped up with just pension valuations to come in then we can finally get a concrete agreement to send to lawyers. I drove to her apartment to get her to sign her part of pension valuation forms and I told her to bring my favorite kitty downstairs. The poor little guy was comfortable in my arms but he was shaking uncontrollably, likely a little cold but perhaps some sort of intuition. These creatures have a weird sixth sense. We sat down at a table in lobby and signed each other's forms, these being all that remains to get agreement together. Spousal support was an option for me to receive but I opted out. She asked me when signing papers if I wanted that but I said money doesn't matter to me and that I would trade all of it just to be happy. It was a bittersweet moment and potentially one of the last times we meet in person. The interactions were cordial and even gentle laughter like the good old times. I came home and real estate agent who is also my next door neighbor told me to expect offers on our house likely next week and we should have it sold by end of month.
It really hit me like a ton of bricks Nothing pulls at your heart more than knowing almost a quarter of a century of your life with someone is coming to an end. Acceptance being the most difficult part of this process, but also an understanding that I cannot put myself through any more pain, any hopes that might have been present before have suddenly vanish and an overwhelming sadness has taken over. It's even hard for me to type this out and express my feelings in words.
Thank you all for your kind words and giving me a platform to express that which sometimes we feel obliged to keep inside.
