I’m glad she signed the amendment. Crisis folks have the attention span of a gnat. They’ll miss and flake out on appointments, birthdays, and all kinds of special and important events.
Keep your expectations dialled to zero - that includes both positive and negative expectations - and keep moving forward while just dealing with whatever occurs.
While she’s involved in an affair(s), your best course is the last resort technique. Lots of time and space. Completely pulling back. Just focus on you and your path/life. Maybe she notices, maybe she feels the loss, hits rock bottom, and decides to sincerely change; or maybe not. However, you will heal and be ok.
Everyone requires a certain level of understanding and rationalizing before they can/will let go. It’s perfectly normal. And it’s also quite normal and common to get attracted/addicted to the drama. To utilize that drama, the hot mess, to justify our path. Start to shift away from that. Justify your life and decisions based upon you, not with what’s going on around you.
That shift will likely not alter your current course too much. However, it will alter the unpinning of why. Shifts the rationalizing from why/what she’s doing to why/what you’re doing. And that fosters letting go/dropping the rope. As well as sincere permanent wanted changes of self.
Originally Posted by Catman19
The more I communicate with her the more l think she has narcissistic personality disorder Mirroring love interests character and likes Love bombing with promises and future faking Hooking them in with intimacy Then commencing manipulation Being up and down emotionally to demoralize her target Keeping lovers around for supply of affection and attention Protecting false image of self at all cost Showing fake empathy to me, to make me feel sorry for her Blame shifting and gaslighting me still after all this time
Yep. I agree. And likely some of these are more temporary or responsive in nature, rather than a permanent manifestation of new behaviour.
Now, how about you. Dig into you and your underpinnings and beliefs. Strengthen that which serves. Craft that which you aspire to. Discard or alter that which does not serve. Know thy self.
Live and move forward based more upon your values and convictions and less because of what she’s doing/done. (Like I said, it a perspective thing and will pay handsomely in future dividends.)
Originally Posted by Catman2
Some of this behaviour is similar to drug addicts, rationality out the door in search of the high, followed by periods of withdrawal when supply doesn't pan out as expected.
Absolutely.
We LBS also experience withdrawal. It’s such a painful experience. With the loss of such romantic love one’s brain screams for that chemical release that once flowed so freely. Such withdrawal is likened to a heroin addiction.
Snooping, phone logs, old pictures, social media, texting, phone calls, finding reasons to interact, and on and on, all efforts to try to find our next fix to prevent our heartache and pain. Withdrawal is one of the worse experiences in life. Totally understandable why/how we don’t/won’t normally embrace it “cold turkey”.
Keep working/walking through the anger and grief. Use that gift of time well.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
